I nodded as silent words of understanding passed between us. I walked away, leaving her in a state of mind that rattled me. My mantra, “everything happens for a reason,” weighed heavily over my psyche as I laid my head on my pillow and had the most restless sleep I’d had in a long time.
Chapter3
Lakelyn
It was official. Amazon was my best friend and a godsend.
Since shopping out in public wasn’t a favorable option and one I planned to avoid at all costs to avoid being recognized—online shopping had become my go-to. I’d ordered new bed linens, decorative pillows, and a few faux plants to help liven up the rental and make it feel cozier and lived-in versus sterile, which wasn’t a fair critique.
Boden had done a commendable job choosing aesthetically pleasing and comfortable furniture and stocked the kitchen with almost all the essentials. I ordered a Vitamix as that was my preferred multipurpose blender, and since I had no game plan on how long I’d be staying in Sutton River, I didn’t mind the investments.
Making my own purchases helped make the place feel like mine—my sanctuary and safe place from the outside world, a space a world away from my former roommate, who sold my belongings and profited off my name being dragged through the mud. After that debacle, I had no physical home to return to, so I could either succumb to defeat or focus onward and upward. I made a conscious decision and chose the latter, bound and determined to do whatever it took to rebuild my spirit, and if, in the process, it meant rediscovering what made me genuinely happy deep down, then I was all for it.
With Netflix streaming in the background for added company, my life had done a complete one-eighty. I no longer had publicity commitments to adhere to, a circle of friends, or a job to give me a sense of purpose. Holding my head high in public had grown exhausting, but I refused to give anyone the upper hand or any ammunition to think that the verbal beatdowns that had become daily were deflating my spirit. I wouldn’t give anyone that kind of power over me ever again.
Sitting at the dining room table adjacent to the living room, I had my latest Amazon purchase spread out in front of me. I’d made my way through all one-thousand pieces and had completed the outer frame of the puzzle. It was an activity I hadn’t done in a long time, but it held a special place in my heart.
Although this time, what I’d hoped would be a welcome distraction from the tailspin my life had taken as I’d always loved puzzles, this particular puzzle, Land of Waldos, stirred up a lifetime of memories. It was one my sister, Annabelle, and I would do together over Christmas when we were little. Five hundred and fifty pieces of mind-numbing red-and-white stripe Waldos. It always drove her nuts when she couldn’t find the real Waldo, the one with no shoe, and I could. The sound of her frustration combined with my fit of giggles played in a vicious loop until I sat on the verge of tears while the depth of just how much I missed my sister slammed into me.
It had been forever since I’d last done a puzzle and just over a year since I’d heard my sister’s voice. Thirteen months since my best friend was stolen from me because of a freak accident. The pain of her passing felt like a boulder had crushed my heart and held all the power to lead me down the rabbit hole of despair without much effort.
I poured myself another glass of wine, twirled it by the stem, and watched aimlessly as the liquid sloshed up the inside of the stemware and swirled like a perfectly crafted storm—the opposite of what my life had become. The storm circulating me the past few months was unforgiving, and I’d taken hits from every angle, leaving me desperate for shelter.
Sitting in solitude was an adjustment in and of itself. I quickly learned that nothing could fully prepare oneself for the utter disregard for personal space and privacy, free from cameras and women who were friendly to your face but would stab you in the back if it meant getting one-on-one time with Tyler. Why I’d let my roommate convince me to sign up for the dating show to begin with, especially when I was mourning, in hindsight, was a decision I should have trusted my initial gut instinct on.
My cell phone pinged in the kitchen, alerting me to a text. Since being under production’s thumb, I’d grown accustomed to not being glued to my phone. The offending item and I were only allowed contact once a week, with monitored check-ins and a crew handler lurking over my shoulder to ensure I was abiding by the rules and not accessing any tabloid sites or that any of my contacts were feeding me information from the outside. Some of the girls used the time to post influencer ads on their social media, while I just went through the motions, checking in with my roommate and employer—both of which were now former contacts.
The one surprise I got before I disabled all my social media accounts after filming wrapped was that my sister’s old roommate had found me, and we were able to reconnect. Given the years that had passed and the connection they once shared, it bonded us out of grief and provided me with a safe haven, one I all but lost when I signed away my right to privacy.
When the public’s interest in me went viral, so did my pre-recorded workouts. Monthly subscriptions to the fitness-based app where I uploaded my videos spiked, and the company closed its quarter with higher-than-seen-before profit margins. Knowing every video in the top ten belonged to me, yet they weren’t sympathetic to my situation, was a tough pill to swallow.
I felt discouraged, hurt, and alone.
I’d promptly changed my number and wanted to disappear, fade into the background, and ignore all messages—especially the threats.
That is how I knew it was very likely Jenna was texting me, as the only other person with my contact information was my new landlord, Boden.
Jenna: Checking in. How are you doing?
Me: Hey, settling in as best as I can. I love the vibe of this rental which is good since I don’t plan on venturing outside.
Jenna: You’re still in California, Lakelyn. The sun and vitamin D will do wonders for your mental well-being.
Me: Good thing the backyard is fenced and private.
Jenna: I’m worried about you being all alone. I wish you would reconsider coming out to the East Coast. We have plenty of space.
The offer was tempting. However, I needed this time on my own. I'd always prided myself on being strong and resilient; this new adventure was meant to unearth that person again.
Kinzleigh, as I knew her originally back when she was roommates with my sister, had gone through her own personal turmoil since we lost touch and had since changed her name to Jenna to escape an abusive partner.
Her story was straight out of a horror movie, but fortunately, she survived and created the life she wanted from scratch. The icing on the cake was meeting a man who loved her wholeheartedly and would go to the ends of the earth to keep her safe. Despite all the odds stacked against them, they are living their happily ever after and even expecting a baby of their own via a surrogate, so the last thing I wanted to do was cause her any unnecessary worry.
I’d be fine. I’d been down this road before, where everything felt hopeless.
Life had taught me early on it wasn’t fair, but the one person I refused to give up on was myself.
Me: I appreciate the offer. Truly, I do, and it’s an invitation I will keep in mind, but this is what my soul needs for now.
