“We can’t,” I said again. “We can’t do it again and we can’t tell anyone it happened. Do you understand?” I pulled back, framing her face in my hands. “We can’t, Em.”
Her smile faded, her eyes flicking between mine. I waited for her to be pissed, for her to rip into me. She should have. I was a fucking prick — coming in my pants one second and begging her not to tell anyone the next.
She should have slapped me.
She should have stormed out of the room.
Instead, her hands stayed in my hair, and she tilted my chin up until I looked at her.
“Hey, you’re okay,” she said softly. “I’m not telling anyone. All right? You’re safe. It’s all good.”
I didn’t realize I’d been breathing so shallowly until I saw the sincerity in her eyes. I took my first full breath, swallowing as shame flushed my cheeks.
“Don’t do that,” she said before I could say a word. “Don’t apologize, and don’t act like I don’t get it. We can’t fuck around. We signed contracts. I know what’s at risk, okay?” Her eyes flicked to the gym door, like she just realized anyone could walk in at any moment.
That fact had been turning me on less than five minutes ago and was sparking an anxiety attack for me now.
“I’m going to go first,” she said. “You take a moment and then you can head out, too. Claire is the only one who saw me here today, and she already thinks I left. And you’ve been in here meditating. No one is going to find out.”
“Cameras?”
She laughed. “Do you really think anyone is going to check the gym cameras on an off day? Besides, they’re only in the main area. There’s not one in here. Trust me,” she said with a smirk. “I thought about that before I climbed into your lap.”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I just…
Felt so fucking seen.
And also so destroyed at the thought of this being all we’d ever have.
“Hey, it was fun, right?” she said, nudging her nose against mine until she could capture my mouth with a kiss. “Our little secret.”
I nodded.
But inside, my heart was kicking like a wild mustang, my ribs threatening to squeeze my lungs until I had no breath left. It was like my entire body was revolting, refusing to accept the reality my common sense and logic were forcing it to face.
I gave in, pulling her into me for one last selfish, greedy kiss.
And I should have felt better after.
Should have felt like I’d finally scratched the itch, gotten her out of my system, taken the edge off whatever this thing was between us.
That’s how it was supposed to work.
Instead, it only made it worse.
Because now I knew exactly what I was missing.
Now I knew how she tasted, how she felt, how easily I could lose myself in her — and there was no pretending it didn’t matter.
No pretendingshedidn’t matter.
I wasn’t cured.
I was completely, irreversibly fucked.
Emily
A week after making Braden come in his pants, and he was still all I could think about.
