All I could do now was hope he felt the same.
“Ow, ow, someone call the fire department,” Marcus said, sliding up behind me with a sly smirk as he took in my reflection. “You’re stunning, my love. Going to break some necks tonight.”
I tried my best to smile, but I knew by how his brows folded together that it was flat.
“Hey,” he said softly, dropping down into the empty dressing chair next to me. He pulled my hands into his lap. “You okay?”
I shook my head. “No. But I will be.”
He nodded, squeezing my hands. “He’ll come around.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I hope so. But if he doesn’t… it’s okay.” I inhaled a deep breath, and this time a smile did find my lips when I let it go. “Whatever happens, I’m glad he came into my life. I’m glad for what he gave me, for how he opened my eyes. Sometimes people come to us for a season or a reason rather than for life.”
My heart broke as I said it. I didn’t want to consider that we were really through. But I also meant what I’d said.
I was thankful for him, for the time we had. And if that was all we got, I’d be okay.
“You know what scares me the most?” I asked Marcus.
“That you’ll make a mistake tonight and the internet trolls will eat you alive?”
I puffed a laugh. “Please. I couldn’t care less what the faceless idiots online are saying about me. They don’t know who I really am. No one does other than me.” I paused, rolling my lips. “But no, what scares me the most is that for my entire adult life, I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere. I never stayed in one place too long, never stuck with any job too long. But for the first time, I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. In Seattle. With him.”
I pressed a hand over my chest again, wincing.
“God, it fucking hurts. Being in love. Why does anyone do this shit?”
Marcus barked out a laugh. “Trust me. I’ve been asking myself the same.”
“How’s it going with your secret beau, anyway?”
Marcus smiled at that. “Incredible. And heartbreaking, too. I love our time together, but it’s hard, you know? Not being able to meet his friends, him not being able to meet my family. It’s worth it, and I do believe it won’t be forever, but… it’s still hard.”
I nodded. “Marcus?”
“Mm?”
“Would you hate me if I left the team after this season?”
He tilted his head, surprising me by not being surprised at all. “I could never hate you. But I’d miss you.” He squeezed my hand. “You have something else in mind, don’t you.”
I nodded, smiling.
“This have anything to do with that whole teaching seed Braden planted in your mind?”
“Maybe.”
“Then I think it’s a perfect fit. And anyone who gets to learn from you is lucky.”
“And if I’m not on the team…”
“Then there’s no reason you and Braden can’t be together.”
I nodded. “I told him that, you know. I said I’d quit. He, of course, was hell bent against it. Doesn’t want to let me walk away from something I worked so hard for.” I shook my head, eyes glazing as I thought about the pained way he held me in that hospital. “But what he doesn’t get is what it’s taken me all season to figure out. This team, this opportunity… it wasn’t the destination for me. It was the vehicle. You know? It was the path that led to what I really want to do, to where I really want to be.”
I wet my lips, smiling as it all became so clear.
“That interview went viral because I was talking passionately about something I believed in. And sure, it came with a downside — the bad publicity, the chastising from Claire, crazies on the Internet. But it also came with so much clarity. I saw myself in a different light — as a leader, as someone not just asking for change but demanding it and making it happen.”
