Ruby went to lay down after so much time in the sun, so I went to the guest room. It was time for me to move back into our bedroom. I grabbed some of my toiletries and headed down the hall.
I entered the room without knocking and walked straight toward the bathroom.
"What are you doing?" Ruby asked, sitting up in bed.
"Bringing my stuff back."
"Umm, really?"
"Yeah," I shrugged and set down my deodorant and aftershave. "We've had a great few days together. I think it's time to move forward."
She looked at me as if I was crazy.
"No. No, you're not moving back in here. I can't believe you didn't even ask."
"I shouldn't have to ask. It's my bedroom too."
"I know that, but you know where things are between us."
"Yeah, they're great. I just said we've had a great few days together. Am I wrong about that?"
"A few good days, even great days, doesn't erase the damage from all these years."
"You're being unreasonable. We can talk about this more after your nap. I think you’re just tired."
"I'm unreasonable? I’m tired? Really, Oscar? This isn't me saying this because I'm tired. I’m saying it because it’s only been a few days."
"But Ruby, you know me."
"Yes, exactly. I know you. So I know this won't last because it never does. You'll go right back to your usual ways in a couple of weeks."
“What are you talking about?”
“Every time I say something and talk to you about how I’m feeling, you make changes. But they never last. And even if they did it still doesn’t change how you talk about me to others.”
“That again? You’re just sensitive.”
“Maybe you’re insensitive. Or maybe next time we’re around your colleagues, maybe I should put you down and degrade you. Maybe then you’ll finally get it.”
There wasn’t a hint of anger in her voice. She remained calm. The only thing that I might’ve sensed from her was disappointment. Which was worse.
I went back into the bathroom, picked up my deodorant and aftershave, and returned to our bedroom.
"Fine. Have it your way," I said before walking out and heading back down the hall to the guest suite.
* * *
What was happening? Didn’t I do enough?
I paced in the guestroom, the deodorant and aftershave still in my hand.
You'll go right back to your usual ways in a couple of weeks.
She said it so matter-of-factly that she might as well have yelled it. She wasn't accusing me of anything, and she didn’t even seem upset about it. She had that same calmness she had had for the past week. I hated it.
I didn’t know what to do with that. Anger, disappointment, those I could understand, but this calm resignation was something else completely. It confused me.
I put the stuff back in the guestroom bathroom, on the counter, not wanting to commit to the medicine cabinet, then sat on the chair in the corner of the room as if I put myself on time out.
