Javi puts the glass down. "You learned his name."
"I learned a lot of things."
"Grace… you did NOT fuck The Rhino."
I giggle. "You’re so nosy, my God.”
"Talk to me. For real. Whatever is happening with you, whatever has been happening for the past week, the not sleeping, the shaking, the throwing up in the bathroom, the pills running out. And now you waltz in here like you had a Goddamn lobotomy. Talk to me."
His brown eyes are filled with warmth and worry. The only person who has ever cared about me without an agenda. My chest aches because I want to tell him everything and I can't. Not when I'm still trying to hold the pieces of Graziella and Grace together inside one body.
"Soon," I say. "I promise. I'll tell you everything. Just not today."
He holds my gaze for three seconds. Then he nods. "Okay. But soon means soon. Not Grace-soon, where soon means never."
"Soon means soon."
"Okay." He picks up the glass. "Table two is reserved for noon. Helen called in saying she’s sick. Arthur is coming alone, which means he's going to argue about the eggs Benedict with himself and we're going to have to referee."
I almost laugh, but my eyes sting and I turn away before Javi sees because if I start crying in the middle of the restaurant overa joke about Arthur's eggs Benedict, I'm going to have to explain why, and the explanation is:you're my best friend and you don't know you're in danger and I can't tell you because the man who loves me killed my foster parents and there are people coming who might hurt you to get to me and I don't know how to carry all of this at once.
So I just tie my apron and get on with it. We’re both working a double today with a two-hour break, so there’s lots of time to chit-chat and hear all about how he ‘knows I fucked The Rhino.’
Javi doesn't show up for the dinner shift.
At first it's just late. Javi is never late, so five minutes past his start time, Danny calls his phone. Voicemail. Danny calls again at ten minutes. Voicemail. At fifteen minutes, Danny puts me on the bar and calls in the backup bartender, the woman with the short hair who filled in before.
"Probably his sister again," Danny says. "Family stuff."
I nod and mix drinks. I pour wine. I run the floor and the bar simultaneously because I can, because I've always been able to carry more than one person should. The muscle memory keeps me moving while my brain repeats Javi's number on a loop. I call during a bathroom break. Voicemail. I text:Hey where are you? Danny's freaking out.
Nothing. No bubbles. No read receipt.
The dinner rush comes and goes. I work through it. My tapping is fast, against every surface I touch, and the speed hasn't dropped below frantic since I noticed Javi wasn't here. Something is wrong. Javi doesn't miss shifts. Javi doesn't go dark on his phone. Javi is the most reliable person I've ever known, and reliable people don't just stop responding.
At nine thirty, I call again. Straight to voicemail. Not ringing. Straight to dead. The same thing Paul and Linda's phones did.
My stomach turns over. The same dead line. The same void.
Carmelo hasn't come to the restaurant tonight. He texted this morning:Brothers arriving today. Stay at the restaurant. Don't walk home alone.I texted back:Okay.I didn't ask what brothers or why. I trusted him because I told him I would.
At ten fifteen, the door opens and Carmelo walks in. Not to table four. Straight to the bar. Straight to me. His face tells me everything before his mouth opens.
"Where's Javi?" I ask.
"Grace, we need to go."
"Where is he?" My voice is getting louder with each word, ending on a shriek.
"Come with me. Now."
"No… no no. NO. Where is JAVI?"
"Grace. Now."
His face is hard and his eyes dark. He’s not fucking around and this pit in my stomach tells me something terrible happened, so I take off my apron. I fold it and put it on the bar, and I follow Carmelo out the door into the cold.
He walks fast. Not toward my apartment. Toward the alley behind the restaurant, the one between the kitchen entrance and the dumpsters. I've walked past this alley a thousand times. Javi walks past it every night when he takes out the trash.
