Can’t they be the same?
“Sammie’s not here anymore,” I admit, squinting at the TV. It’s another late night show.
I keep looking around, but I never spot Sammie’s ghost. This, more than anything else, is the most debilitating thing since getting shot. She used to always be there, talking to me. I struggle to remember the last time I saw her.
Tristan holds me while I cry. Which means he holds me a lot because I can’t stop crying. Sometimes I don’t even realize my cheeks are wet, that’s how constant the flow seems.
I’m intrinsically aware of how worried he is. I see it in the way his brow wrinkles. How he doesn’t let me out of his sight. How he bites down on his lip as if he’s deep in thought, wondering what to do.
You gotta get up, his face seems to say. Or maybe that’s mesaying it, but the voice is buried so deep below, it’s being drowned by the ringing in my ears.
There’s things I need to do, things I need to say. I can’t do any of them.
But there is one thing lodged deep in my heart. It scares the ever loving shit out of me, and I’m so fucking ashamed my body sets itself on fire.
I grab Tristan’s arm so he understands how serious I am. “You have to move your dad.”
“What?”
“The Spider knows I love you.”
Tristan stills. I wish I didn’t feel so out of it. I wish I could compute everything clearly instead of this fragmented reality.
“They do their research. That’s why they’re so good at what they do. Ren is Ren. And she’s dating a Zimin. The same goes for Russet and Len. They could possibly go after Jane and Abe’s dad, but that risks nuclear war if they fuck with Fujimori’s. It’s your dad.”
I have to pause so I can gather my words.
“When you run an assessment,” I explain. Juan Paul Trevino is the weak link. He lives alone. He’s not part of any syndicate. He’s simply the father of the man I love, and that means he’ll be the target. “The Spiders are known for it. Applying pressure where you least expect it. Their way of crushing you.”
It’s vindictive going after an old man. But I knew the moment I saw the Spider bleeding out on the tarmac, vindictive was what I would get.
That’s the thing about a Spider. They crawl out of the shadows, always another one showing up.
They’ll come,a voice bangs against my head.They’re going to come after you.
For the first time, Cade’s retribution meansnothing. It no longer means a thing. Not when you’ve made an enemy out of the world’s most deadly triggermen.
The fear isn’t for myself, though. It’s for those around me.
“I’m so sorry.” Tears run down my face again. I’ve put Tristan’s dad in danger.
Without noticing, Tristan’s scooted in front of me. Our legs are in a tangle, our chests are so close.
“I’ve fucked everything up,” I admit. I should have taken Hadrian’s offer to kill off Cade way before this. I should have asked for help. I should’ve done this and that. I just stuck my head in the sand instead of admitting how bad things were.
And I’m doing it again.
Tristan cups my cheeks, lifting my head. “Isolde, you know someone is going to come. Talk to me. Tell me what you think we should do.”
“What we should do?” I mumble.
“Ren is calling everyone she can, trying to figure out who the Spider is. Or where they’ll come from. But you’re the one who expected him. I know you. Deep down, you’ve been trying to think of a plan for a long time. Tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours.”
I don’t respond.
He pulls me closer. “I can help you.”
It doesn’t sound like a promise but rather like he’s begging me to let him help. I drop my head, resting against his chest.
