“Wait, Vivian knows?” she asks.
“She suspected.”
“That’s why she had him taken before Griffith and I could get there.” She spits the words with venom and the color in her face changes as she says them, eyes cold. It makes complete sense given everything I know about what she’s capable of when she’s decided on something. “She was trying to get ahead of it. Has she been in those accounts yet?”
“Griffith is working on confirming the full extent of it. He’ll have something concrete soon.”
I let her sit with the news I just gave her as she processes it better than I thought she would. I don’t try to sugarcoat anything because she doesn’t need that right now. What she needs from me right now is to stand here and let her be as angry and hurt as she is and not try to manage either of those things into something else. I top her coffee without asking and set it beside her as I lean back against the counter and wait. Duke comes in from the living room and crosses to her, sitting directly on her feet. She looks down at him, smiles and chuckles softly. That fucker. I look at her again as she stands in my kitchen holding the proof of everything she was never given the chance to know. Jarrell told me on the phone that day in my office, his voice low and threatening.She’s mine,he said.My blood.I told him I understood and I kept that secret for years and now watching her hold the proof of it, I think about the email from him as well.The one Griffith found and sent me. The line that saidthough I couldn’t see it at the time, I forgive you.I think about what it cost him to write that, and trust that I’d read it at exactly the right moment. She closes the folder and sets both hands flat on top of it.
“I need a minute,” she says as she walks out the kitchen and onto the porch. Duke looks at me from the doorway and I open the door so he can go out to her. Leaning against the doorframe, I think about Vivian sitting somewhere calculating her next move and think about everything Griffith is pulling together and then about the woman walking to my favorite spot to think. She has no idea how much is about to change and no idea how ready she is for it. But I do, and when she’s ready, I’m going to be standing right beside her.
CHAPTER 52
Payson
The dayssince he handed me that folder, he has given me pieces of information as he promised when I’m ready, but not before, and somehow he always knows when that is. We talk on the porch every evening and it has become the best part of my day. Every day we walk to his favorite spot overlooking the canyon and cook in the kitchen with the same tension that hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s just grown. I find myself watching him far more than I ever anticipated I would again. The little things he does that he doesn’t think I see. Like how he is with Duke, patient and easygoing, reminding me once again that he would be a wonderful father to some lucky child. The thought pains me, knowing some woman out there will enjoy all the things in life with him when I go back to the city. I see the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention, like he has been waiting a long time to see me again and is still shocked to see me standing in his kitchen. He’s mostly the same man I fell in love with but different in ways I love even more. The things that were always good about him are more solid now, settling intotheir void forever. I know I could be happy here, with him, and it surprises me to feel that way again.
I’m in the living room with a design program pulled up on my laptop, working on the project I left unfinished when I got in the car to head here. I can faintly hear Ledgar’s conversation with Griffith from the kitchen. I don’t try to listen but I hear the way his tone changes before he ends the call. He comes around the corner and leans in the doorway, watching me work. “Griffith found something,” he says. “He’s sending it here. Said it was an envelope addressed to you.” I look at him over my laptop. He uncrosses his arms, pushing off the frame and walks over to sit on the couch next to me.
“What kind of envelope?” I question.
“He’s not sure. Just said your name was on the front. It was with Jarrell’s things.” I look back at the design I was finishing, saving it before I close my laptop and call it a night.
CHAPTER 53
Payson
When I open my eyes,I immediately sense that something is wrong. I sit up and see Duke at the foot of the bed, which means Ledgar put him here before he left. He usually tells me where he’s going if he leaves during the day, but I don’t recall him waking me up to tell me he was going somewhere. I am out of bed and down the hall before I can think clearly. The morning he left six years ago is fresh on my mind as I search the kitchen and porch to find them both empty and his truck gone. Every wall I have built up comes crashing down at the same time. I’m standing in the middle of his living room in his favorite T-shirt I like to wear to bed, trembling and pissed at the same time. I physically and emotionally can’t go through this again.
The front door opens and Ledgar walks through holding a brown paper bag, some coffee, and an envelope tucked under his arm. He looks at me and everything quickly goes on the entry table in one swift motion before he’s crossing the room to me. His hands reach up to cup my face and tilt it up to meet his. “Hey. Hey. I’m right here,” he whispers low, kissing my head.
“You were gone,” I hiccup, causing tears to fall one after the other. “Your truck was gone. You didn’t leave a note, nothing. I woke up and the house was empty. I panicked.” My fingers curl against his shirt. “It was like…”
“I know what you thought,” he says, cutting me off. “I just went to town to get the envelope Griffith sent and got you those pastries from the bakery you looked at a couple weeks ago when we drove through. I didn’t want to wake you because it was really early and you were sleeping so peacefully. I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, kissing my head again, pulling me into him. “That is entirely on me. I should have left a note, sent you a text.”
“Don’t do that again.” My words come out quiet and vulnerable. “Please don’t do that to me again.”
“I won’t. I promise you I won’t.” He pulls me in tighter wrapping both arms around me and holds me like I need to be held right now. “Listen to me,” he says, pulling back a little where his mouth is just above my ear. “I am not going anywhere. I would never do that to you again.” He pulls back enough to look at me, grabbing my face in his hands. “But Payson, you have to trust that for yourself. If you can’t trust that, trust me, you will never be able to let go of the past.” He pauses for a second wiping away my tears. “And if you can’t let go of the past…you will never fully forgive me and I need you to forgive me.” He kisses me softly. “Not for me, but for you.” I look him in the eyes, my heart still beating nearly out of my chest and my eyes wet with tears, and I believe every word he is saying.
“I’m trying,” I whisper.
“I know you are.” He presses his lips to mine, holding them there for a moment. “I know.”
He releases me and walks back to the table he dropped everything on and grabs the envelope. He holds it out to me and I willingly accept it. My name is written across the front in handwriting I don’t recognize. “I can stay with you while youread it,” he says. “Or I can make myself scarce. Whatever you need.”
“Stay,” I reply. “Read it with me.”
CHAPTER 54
Ledgar
We sitin her favorite spot on the porch, sitting close enough to each other that I can smell the sweet honey scent of her shampoo, but we have just enough space between us for Duke to settle. Her hands are wrapped around her morning coffee, sipping it slowly, careful not to burn her mouth. She hasn’t said very much since she asked me to stay with her while she reads the contents of what is inside. When I handed it to her, she just stared at her name, not reaching to open it and reveal what’s beneath. I understand why and sometimes you just need someone else to rip the Band-Aid off for you. Not because she can’t, but because she needs me to, even if she can’t come to terms with that yet.
I slide my thumb under the seal and remove the single piece of paper inside, and begin reading it to her.
Payson,
If you’re reading this then I’ve already done the one thing I swore I never would. I left you.
