“No,” she says softly. “I like it.” That makes two of us. I try not to allow myself to think of what comes on the last day. Allow myself to be happy with her, enjoy it while it lasts. We swim again, later than we should, the water slightly warmer this time around. She clings to me as I hover us both beneath thewater. “You’re staring,” she whispers, running her hands along my chest and behind my neck.
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” She shakes her head, smiling, and I memorize it.
We eat and talk and talk and eat. We cuddle, and fuck, and cuddle some more. She’s allowed me to explore her body in ways I never thought I would. I know just what she likes, what makes her come in seconds, and what makes her whimper in need.
She shares things she probably shouldn’t about her life, small pieces she thinks are unimportant, like her favorite color being burgundy. She mentions that her favorite movie involves horse-diving and that her favorite hobby is reading smutty romance novels. I listen closely, memorizing every detail. By the fourth day, it starts to feel real, and that’s dangerous. She leans into me, resting her head on my shoulder as we dance to the music playing in the background, her fingers gently touching mine as we sway.
"Tell me this is real.” Her words barely reach me. I hesitate, unable to answer her. I hold back what I really want to say, partly because I can’t let myself feel what I truly do.This is real. That’s the problem. And anything I say now either gives her something I can’t promise to keep or takes something from her I never had the right to touch in the first place. My jaw tenses before I force it to soften. “It feels real,” is all I manage to say. Not a lie, but not the truth she is asking for. Her eyes search mine, like she’s trying to decide if it’s enough. It’s not but she lets it be tonight.
By the fifth day, I can feel the change between us. She’s closer to saying it, and I’m closer to letting her. I can feel it in the way she looks at me. In the way her words linger on the edge of something left unsaid. We lay here watching her favorite movie, her hands tracing the lines of my muscles on my stomachabsent-mindedly like she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. She looks at me, then back to the screen. “I…” she starts, then stops. I look at her, and she hesitates. For the first time all week, I want to hear the words come from her, even if I can’t repeat them, no matter how much I feel it. “I think I...” I pull her in, kissing her deeply, fiercely, not letting her finish, but redirecting her attention to somewhere else to stop her from saying them no matter how much I want to hear them.
When I pull back, breaking our kiss, she doesn’t push. Just rests her forehead against mine, eyes closed. I’ve never said those words before, not once. Only to my mama, and occasionally to my siblings, but never to a woman. The words sit pressing against everything I don’t say, and I hate myself for it. It would be the easiest thing in the world to tell her I feel the same, to make this real for good, but I can’t.
On the sixth day, I can see the way she thinks this will last in the way she talks about the future, making plans she won’t be able to keep. She doesn’t hesitate anymore when she speaks, and I’m starting to hear more and more of her smart mouth and feisty attitude. She looks at me like she’s already decided I’m the one she’s going to be with the rest of her life. And God do I wish that to be true. We don’t go anywhere today, just stay in, doing nothing but exploring each other so intimately. After the third time, she falls asleep on my chest, and I can’t bring myself to wake her. Instead, I memorize this very moment.
Seven days will never be enough to show her how I feel about her. She is mine, and she will always be mine. That will never change.
CHAPTER 33
Ledgar
Just before daybreak,I pull the covers away from her, and she stirs, opening those beautiful brown eyes. A lazy smile forms on her gorgeous face. “What are you doing?” she asks, tiredly. I press her shoulder gently to the side, having her lie on her back. I place my hands on her thighs, pushing her legs open wide. She chuckles. “Haven’t you had enough?” I shake my head as I position myself at her entrance. I thrust into her hard, sinking all the way to the hilt. A satisfied groan leaves my throat, as I press my body to hers, careful not to put my entire weight on her. Payson hooks her legs around my thighs, dragging me in deeper. Our eyes lock and seeing the desire in hers nearly makes me explode. I love how she wants me as much as I want her. I pull out of her slowly, only to thrust back into her, reveling in the way her pussy stretches around me. As if something has overtaken me, my pace becomes frenzied as I steal her breath with my own. Gripping her hips, I slide her to the edge of the bed and lift her hips. I nod to the pillow which she places underneath her ass. She moans as I reposition myself and thrust into her.
I continue to fuck her at a punishing pace, nothing but the sounds of her moans and our bodies slapping against each other. “Fuck, Payson...” Thrust. “Your pussy was made for me.” Thrust. “You were made for me.” Thrust. “I can’t stop.”
“Ledgar,” she breathes my name in a needy moan. She begins to tighten around me, and I feel my balls draw up as she starts spasming beneath me. I fuck her harder, and deeper, until my own makes its way through me, and she screams out my name. I collapse against her, nearly muttering those three little words. My heart runs off and leaves me as I pull out of her, but I don’t stop. I caress her breast with my mouth, teasing her little bud with my tongue until it’s hard, and I bite, softly. She hisses a moan, arching into me. “Haven’t you had enough,” I mock her, as I kiss my way down her body until I reach her very wet, very sensitive spot. I sit up, kneeling between her and scan my eyes all over her every inch of her. I slide a finger into her, watching the way she sucks it in hungrily. Her inner walls grip my finger tightly, and I slip another inside, before slowly fucking her with my fingers and flicking her clit with my tongue. “Yes, just like that,” she whimpers. Her body starts to move against my face, riding my fingers and tongue in a delicious rhythm. When I feel her tightening around me harder, I remove my fingers and replace them with my tongue, sucking and fucking her like I’m a starved man eating his last meal. She rides my face faster, pushing and pulling my hair as she nears her release, and just like the devilish man I am, I stop. She groans, covering her face. “Oh, don’t worry baby…I’ll let you come,” I say cocky. I thrust into her. Hard. Fast. Punishing. Fucking her the hardest I have ever. She is going to be feeling me for days, weeks, years even, and that’s exactly what I want. She tightens around me, moaning loudly. I grip her throat, applying just enough pressure it causes her to shatter, soaking me in her sweet juices. “Jesus Christ, Payson…” I say as I fuck her through her orgasm. I squeeze alittle tighter, careful not to leave any marks as I find my own release again and spill everything I have into her. She falls back asleep against me after we clean up. The same way she has every other time, her hand resting lightly against me. I’ve never had or made a woman orgasm like that before. Knowing I did fills me with pride.
Carefully, I move pulling away, easing her softly into the bed. She doesn’t open her eyes, deep in sleep from the fucking I just gave her. I sit there for a moment, staring at her, memorizing her for the last time. The way her blonde hair falls across her face and spreads against my pillow. The rise and fall of her breasts as she breathes. The way she looks so peaceful, content. That is what I want to remember. How I am and will be the reason she remains that way.
I don’t say goodbye. I can’t. I don’t leave a note, even though I want her to know this was very real, but I can’t give her anything to hold onto. I can’t break her any more than I already am. Anything I leave behind becomes something for her to hold onto, a reason for her to follow me, and I can’t allow that. I stand, walking away, gathering every bit of my things as quietly as I can, shoving them into bags, and leave like I was never there to begin with.
CHAPTER 34
Payson
It’s tooquiet as I stir awake. The sound of Ledgar’s soft snores aren’t even there. I stay still for a second, listening, sleepily, trying to hear something. Anything. I reach beside me and find the space where he used to lay is empty. Cold. Like he’s been gone for hours. Confused, my voice still thick with sleep, I call out his name. “Ledgar?” No answer. That’s not unusual, he’s left early before but usually stops to give me a kiss goodbye. I knew he had to return to work today after taking the week off. Maybe he just didn’t want to wake me up. I push myself up slowly, the sheet falling away as I look around the room. All of his things are gone. Cleared out as if he was never here. “Ledgar?” I call again, louder this time. Still no answer. What is going on? Uneasiness settles low in my stomach.He wouldn’t do this to me, I tell myself already thinking the worst. Maybe he stepped out to take a call. He does that.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed, my feet hitting the floor with a thud, like something might break if I move too fast. My thoughts stall as I walk into the bathroom. Everythingis gone. Something doesn’t feel right. The penthouse is silent. “Ledgar?” I step into the main room, my gaze searching for any sign of him. Nothing. The couch. Empty. The kitchen. My chest tightens. Empty. The counter is clear. No glass. No dishes. No trace of anything at all. My eyes move faster now, searching, noticing every small detail. A cold feeling spreads through me, as tears start to form. “He didn’t...”
The words barely leave my lips as I start to feel like a complete idiot. Why did I let myself get this close? Why did I trust he would be different? My gaze snaps toward the entryway. His coat, gone. I turn moving through the apartment. Everything, the closet, the bathroom, all cleared out. How did I not hear him? It’s like he was never here at all, and I dreamed up this entire couple of weeks with him. I press my hand against the counter, grounding myself and forcing myself to think. Maybe he just went to his office. Though that doesn’t explain why there is no trace of him at all in here. If something happened, some sort of explanation would be in his office. There has to be. I mean he wouldn’t just leave. Would he?
I don’t remember getting dressed and coming downstairs as my mind tries to play catch-up. The entire place feels different from a few weeks ago. The receptionist doesn’t look up when I pass or even smile like she normally does. She gives me an apologetic look. I don’t stop to ask what’s wrong, I just keep walking straight to his office. The door is closed per usual but my hand hovers over the doorknob. The thought of him not being in there aches at me. Because when I open this door and he’s not in there, that means he really left. The room is still and quiet when I walk in; the desk clear of papers, files, no trace of work onto it at all. His bourbon he never moves from his desk. Gone. Replaced with some sort of collage of books. Something inside me cracks a little. “He wouldn’t just leave,” I whisper to myself.He said this felt real. Us.My eyes move across the room,searching. Tucked just under the edge of the desk is an envelope. As I reach for it, I notice my name scribbled across the front in Ledger's handwriting. My vision blurs as I force myself to open it. There’s a piece of paper and a key.
A life untouched.
It’s what you wanted… It’s what you deserve.
The key slips from my hand, hitting the floor with a ding. Tears blur my vision. He didn’t leave because he stopped caring. This was real, otherwise, he wouldn’t have left a note only I could understand. No…he left because something made him. I crumple the paper in my fist and pick up the key. He’s protecting me. That much is clear. But next time… I won’t be the one left behind.
CHAPTER 35
SIX YEARS LATER
Payson
