“Impertinent pup, are you not?”
“Yes, madam. Stop prevaricating!”
“I gained clarity and peace of mind.”
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“Clarity? Peace of Mind?”
“Yes sir.”
“Pray, elaborate, if you will.”
“If I still had my sight, my mother would be pushing me tosecureone of the rich gentlemen, since it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. I would, naturally, be entertaining unrealistic girlish dreams of finding my one true love—who knows, it might have been you—and there is no need to smirk. I know how unlikely it would have been.”
“You assume I am smirking?”
“Am I wrong?”
“No.”
“I would spend all my time wondering what my future held. I would be hoping for so much more. Love, marriage, children, long life, adventure with an amiable and loving man… all that while tryingnotto admit that I had almost no dowry, four sisters, no brother, an entailed estate where I may be thrown into the hedgerows when my father dies, a loud and uncouth mother, two or three silly sisters, and not a single eligible and amiable man within twenty miles. I would still have hoped for all that, despite the odds. My mother would have pushed me relentlessly at any man in trousers who happened to cross her path, and doubly towards any rich man, and our acquaintance would have been miserable. I do not doubt one of us would have hated the other on sight. However, now that it is all gone, I need not repent its loss, as I know what my life will most likely be.”
“How do you see it?”
“I am intelligent—frighteningly so, according to the easily intimidated—so I can still do useful things. I teach a few children to read using books I memorised years ago and letters fashioned by my friend John Lucas and his wife. I may be able to continue that in some capacity one day—perhaps at a school for the poor or some such place that cannot afford to be particular. Perhaps I may teach most of the poor girls of a neighbourhood to read and write. I imagine with one older girl as assistant I could do quite well. I am an excellent conversationalist, a good listener, and the most sensible of my sisters. I can help those who are melancholy or confused by simply listening to them and giving their problems due consideration, even if I do not offer good suggestions. I can do somethingusefuldespite my eyes, and most importantly,I can be happy.Happiness is a choice, you see.Now that I have no more exalted hopes, I may rejoice in those that remain.Thatis what I gained—clarity and peace of mind—and that leads to happiness, if I but allow it.”
“You imply that limiting your choices leaves you more content with those that remain?”
“There is no need to couch it in hypotheticals. My status is what it is—but to answer your question—yes, I believe reducing my choices has left me happier with what is left. It is a bit of a paradox, really.”
“Singular, I would say. I am not certain I could be so sanguine.”
“I hope you shall never have to learn. It accomplishes nothing to rail against your fate. I burnt through all such frustrations the first year or two, and I must own that tilting at windmills did no more for me than Don Quixote. I am content.”
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“Enough of that! It is time for you to cease sulking.”
“Notsulking.”
“Quibbles, sir… quibbles. Let us get on with it!”
“Get on with what?”
“Give me your arm, and I will introduce you to some people and help ease you into conversation. It will give you a chance to practise being sociable, and me a chance to practise helping someone. If necessary, I shall translate whatever they say into English for you. Who knows, being in my company may even extend the imperviousness of my anti-matrimonial shield. I hear Miss Lucas to our right. Let us begin with her.”
“Very well. Take one step to the right, then five forward.”
“Thank you.”
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