Yes, Asia has a range of sex clubs, particularly in cities like Bangkok, Pattaya, and Manila, where adult entertainment is a big part of the nightlife scene. These spots often feature go-go bars, nightclubs, and loungesthat cater to different sexual preferences.
Another time, she would have thought of a clever pun about Bangkok, but right now, it made her stomach turn.Why the hell am I doing this to myself?
Forcing her mind away from the thought of him in some darkened Asian sex lounge with exotic women putting their hands and mouths all over him, Jannie grabbed the spray can she wanted and slammed the cabinet door, much harder than necessary. Rolf gave her the side-eye and skittered back, nails clicking on the glossy epoxy floor.
“Sorry.” She patted his side and massaged the back of his furry neck. “Paper towels. I need the red ones for the windows.”
She bent to pull open the lower cabinet.
And then she spotted it: the box of baby things she had collected during those five months when she’d thought …
She pulled her trembling lower lip between her teeth. She’d forgotten that she’d shoved that box in there when she returned from the hospital, unable to bring herself to donate or, worse, throw it away. She didn’t open it; she knew exactly what was inside and didn’t want to see the tiny pink and blue outfits she had chosen with so much love and hope.
So many months had passed, and still, it felt so raw. During her time in Vegas, with Nick there to hold her when she got sad, it had gotten better. She thought she’d actually healed, but being here all alone in this house stirred up that trauma again, and sometimes it hit her without warning.
She glanced at her watch. Three o’clock. It was 3:00 a.m. in Singapore. Nick had looked so tired the last time they talked; she didn’t want to wake him. She closed her eyes, recalling the feel of his strong arms around her, the brush of his lips on her forehead whenever he noticed her looking a certain way.
“You’re thinking about them again?”
She nodded.
“Come here.”
She went straight into his arms, and he enveloped her, all solid strengthand comfort. She buried her face in his throat, inhaling his cologne, filling her senses with his scent, gradually relaxing as he stroked her hair.
“You know what I did that helped me?”
“What?”
“I sat down and wrote Mom a letter. Put everything on there. Then I sealed it in a bottle and flew it to California.”
“A message in a bottle?”
“I know it sounds corny, but …”
She kissed his jaw. “It doesn’t. I might have to try that.”
“I took it to San Diego and tossed it into the Pacific. That helped me.”
There was no ocean near Las Vegas, and she hadn’t thought releasing a message in a bottle in Lake Tahoe would be quite the same. But there was an ocean near Orlando, and it was only sixty miles away.
Carefully placing the box back where she’d found it, Jannie snapped her fingers at Rolf and headed to her office.
•
Jannie gripped the railing tightly, the sea breeze whipping her hair around and misting her face as the shoreline of Cocoa Beach disappeared in the distance.
A nice elderly couple had agreed to take her on their Tiara for a modest fee, and fifteen minutes out, the water was clear and deep and blue.
The boat gradually came to a stop, bobbing on the choppy waters. Elanor, the wife, came to stand beside Jannie, gently gripping her elbow.
“Is here all right, dear?” she asked.
“Perfect. Thank you.”
The woman nodded, a faraway look in her kind brown eyes. “I lost one, too. A little girl. Thirty-nine years ago.” She gazed out at the horizon, where the setting sun painted the sky in shades of gold and amber. “You never do forget. The hardest part is that you’ll always wonder who they would have been. But it does get easier, eventually.” A sad smile curved her lips. “And what you’re doing here is a very good thing. I hope it brings you comfort.”
“Me too.”
