He's ridiculous, too, but I love that he manages to make me smile in situations like these.
I push myself to my feet, a little unsteady. The exhaustion hits me all at once, like the release of everything I've been holding in has drained the last of my energy.
Right now, all I want is to go back with Elijah. Spend the weekend with him. Make new memories instead of living inside old ones that try to tear me apart.
We still have so much ahead of us.
I can only hope my dad is at peace and that he knows that I wanted to be the one to hold his hand when he took his last breath.
I step closer to the headstone and rest my hand on the cold stone, just like I did the last time I was here.
As soon as I do, a tiny snowflake drifts down and lands on my skin.
I blink.
It's snowing.
I can sense Elijah standing behind me, giving me space with a steady patience.
“I miss you,” I whisper. “And I love you.”
My voice is small in the open air, but I hope somehow he can still hear me.
“You don't have to worry about me anymore.” I pause, licking my lips nervously before continuing. “I have Elijah. He's not so bad, you know. I hope you're okay with us. Who am I kidding? You probably aren't," I admit under my breath, a soft huff of amusement leaving me. “But I wouldn't even be standing here right now if it wasn't for him.”
I trace over the carved letters of his name.
“I think you'd come around eventually. In your usual grumpy way, whenever a boy was mentioned.”
I glance over my shoulder, smiling at Elijah as he watches me, hands in his pockets.
Turning back to the grave, I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Thank you, Dad. For giving me such an amazing life.”
Snow continues to fall, settling gently on the ground around us.
“I hope I make you proud.”
Snowflakes continue to drift softly from the sky as I make my way back to Elijah. He glances at me with a gentle smile and suggests that I wait in the car, indicating he wants a moment alone with my dad. I lean in to kiss his cheek before heading back to the car, a sense of change washing over me as I walk away.
Chapter 41
Elijah
Elijah.
Well, if my brain isn't already fried from this cancer nonsense, I’d probably laugh at myself for sitting here writing to you. But since I can't rely on Willow's mother, because let's face it, she's about as emotionally competent as a rock. I figured I’d try my luck with you. I’m assuming you already know about the diagnosis, even though you’ve ignored my calls and messages like a pro. Fucker.
Here's the deal. Willow will need someone once I’m gone. I may have accidentally (okay, not accidentally) made her strongly dislike you. You were a dick, plain and simple. That said, I don't resent your son. I trust him when he says you're a good dad, and I know that, deep down, both of us want what's best for our kids.
Yes, I know she will be an adult soon, so she can do whatever the hell she wants. But I’d rather her be with you and River than, well, you know, the alternative. Somewhere deep down, I know that if the tables were turned, you’d want me to do the same for your kids, and I would.
Willow has given up so much, and it kills me. I promised I’d be the one to look after her, and now I can't. So here I am, putting my faith in you, whether I like it or not. Please, make sure she knows this isn't her fault, and it's okay to be sad. I want her to live the life I've always wanted for her, and I know that if she's with you, she’ll be okay. She deserves the world… because she's mine.
Oh, and one last thing. Keep her away from Rose. Or else I swear I’ll haunt both of your arses and swirl your toothbrushes in the toilet water. Consider that a threat from a very tired, very pissed off father, soon to be ghost.
Leon.
