‘If anything, it gives herlessof a right. She should want you to be happy.’
‘She does want me to be happy. It’s just that her idea of happiness is different to my own. And anyway, that’s why we clash so much, because Idon’tlet her control me. Believe me, life would be a hell of a lot easier if I just went along with what she wanted.’
‘Why is it so hard for you to tell them what you really want to do?’
He didn’t answer at first. Instead he pushed off on the ice again, still holding my hand. Together we skated. I started to worry that I’d pushed him too far. Upset him.
‘I think it’s because I respect my father so much that, if he thought my ideas were stupid, it’d be devastating,’ he finally said. ‘Growing up, I saw how astute he was at business. When he took over the hotel from my grandfather, it was suffering financially. Had lost some of its appeal thanks to newer, more modern hotels that had opened up and down the coast. He could have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars renovating, modernizing, turning the hotel into a carbon copy of the others. It might have worked, but my great-grandfather would have been turning over in his grave. Instead, he took a risk and restored it. Kept the old charm, the décor and glamor that had made it so popular in its heyday, but with fresh wallpaper and paint. New furniture. New everything, really, but with the bones of the old hotel still in place. It worked. People love the glamorof a bygone era. The wealthy do, anyway. It harks back to the so-called golden days. The place has never been more profitable. And it’s all thanks to him.’
‘Is that why you don’t want to take over? You’re worried you won’t live up to his accomplishments?’
‘No, I just honestly can’t see myself in a suit and tie every day, sitting in an office, no matter how fancy it is. I don’t want to network, or travel, or schmooze with travel agents so they recommend us to their clients. I can’t stand the thought of sitting in meetings, discussing strategic plans and long-term objectives. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less.’
‘Have you put it to your parents like that? Explained it exactly the way you’ve just told me?’
‘I’ve tried, but inevitably I get so worked up with my mother. She won’t listen, just resorts to guilt and manipulation in an attempt to get her way. It usually ends in me walking out. Not very mature, I know.’
‘Hey, I’m all about preserving your own peace. You got to do what you got to do, even if that means putting boundaries in place with family.’
‘I want them to be proud of me.’ He sounded so forlorn. My heart ached for him.
I squeezed his hand. ‘I’m sure they are.’
He smiled at me in a way that made me think of kisses and lifetimes and waking up in his arms. Then, without warning, my blade hit a groove in the ice and I was falling. I saw the shock on his face as he reached for me, then we were falling together, Jonah twisting as we fell so that he took most of the impact, landing on his back with a loud thud. I landed on top of his chest, hearing the impact knock the breath out of him.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked, my face creased with concern. ‘I’m so sorry.’
He blinked up at me a few times, nodding until he got his breath back. ‘Areyou?’
‘Yeah I’m fine.’
‘Are you sure?’ His eyes scanned my face and upper body as if he had X-ray vision, checking for injuries. ‘Say something. Where does it hurt?’
‘I’m OK,’ I finally managed to say. ‘Honestly.’
He exhaled with relief. ‘You had me worried,’ he growled. ‘That look of panic on your face when you started falling? That’s going to keep me awake for a week, I swear to God. Are you sure you’re OK?’
‘Yes,’ I reassured him. ‘Nothing broken. Maybe I’ll have a few bruises tomorrow, but it’syouwho took the brunt of the fall. Are you OK?’
He reached up and tucked some loose hair behind my ear. ‘Don’t worry, it’ll take more than that to kill me.’
The words hit me like the cold, and I shuddered. ‘Don’t even joke about that,’ I scolded him.
‘What? Dying?’
‘Yes. For most people, death is this distant thing that happens to other people, usually the elderly. But I was an ER nurse, remember? I’ve seen death up close, far too many times. It’s indiscriminate, cares nothing for age, or gender. I don’t like to joke about it.’
He nodded. ‘You’re right, I’m sorry. It was tasteless. I won’t do it again. The last thing I want to do is upset you.’
Talking about death always brought about a sharp appreciation for life and the present moment. Without thinking, I leaned down and kissed him. Softly, lightly. His face was cold but his lips were warm. I opened my eyes and stared into his, so close I could see little flecks of gold. His hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me in tighter. Around us, snow fell lightly, and the ice underneath was cold. But in his arms I was warm.
28
JONAH
‘Wait here,’ I told her.
‘You don’t have to tell me twice,’ she replied, warming her hands on the air billowing out of the vent on the truck dashboard. She peered out of the windscreen at the gray sky outside. It had darkened considerably on the drive from the pond to a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was already much later in the day than I’d anticipated our arrival here, thanks to the unscheduled visit to diagnose Ray with a case ofdramaqueenitis.
