It had become routine, our dance. He pushed; I resisted. He charmed; I deflected. Him seeing me, really seeing me, in a way I hadn’t felt seen since Terry died, and me pretending I didn’t notice.
And while I wouldn’t say I liked it, while I’d spent six months telling myself that his attention annoyed me and his presence irritated me and his smile didn’t affect...
I didn’t like this solemn version of the man I’d come to know.
I didn’t like it at all.
WANTING THE IMPOSSIBLE…
I will never forget the day I met you, Stephen Hartley.
There comes a time in a person’s life when they take stock of the things they’ve done. The mistakes they’ve made. And I’ve made mistakes. Almost every decision I’ve made in my life has been a mistake.
Except you.
I didn’t deserve you. Didn’t deserve your kindness. I definitely didn’t deserve your love. But I wanted you. God, I wanted you from the first moment I saw you. And if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that Dougal’s take what they want, consequences be damned.
That was how my twin sister, Caroline, ended up married to James Doherty. Vice President of the Golden Skulls Motorcycle Club in Purgatory, California. She took what she wanted.
I hated going to the clubhouse, but Caroline constantly goaded me until I gave in. James’ father, William, was the president, and he’d always made me uneasy.
Have you ever been around a man that just his mere presence set off every warning bell inside your head? He may never speak a word to you, but you know just by looking at him you should avoid him at all costs.
Of course you did.
Your president was George Stone.
William Doherty was just like him.
I tried to avoid the clubhouse as much as I could, until one Friday night all those years ago, Caroline begged me to come. She said they were expecting a visitor, but William wouldn’t be there. It made little sense to me that the president of the club would be away when a visitor was coming, but I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Though we looked the same, Caroline and I were complete opposites. She was loud and outgoing. Brash and confident. While I was the quiet twin. The wallflower who preferred to sit on the sidelines and watch the show. Caroline always wanted to be the star.
Years later, that drive to the top cost her dearly. One day, all her secrets came to light, and she lost everything. Including her life. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there to stop it. Maybe I could have helped her. Maybe if I’d stayed, I could have stopped her from betraying everyone.
But I had my own path to travel. My own mistakes to make. My own trauma to endure. It wasn’t easy. Our daughter once asked me if I could go back and change my life, would I? I didn’t even have to think about it. I told her no, because then I wouldn’t have her. And she was worth every second of pain I endured.
She was worth the lies and the betrayal. You see, Stephen, Caroline and I weren’t so different after all. We both made choices we knew would hurt the ones we loved. Maybe it was the excitement that led me down the path I chose. Maybe it was fear.
Maybe it was destined to happen regardless of what I wanted. Destiny is a tricky thing. Does fate have more power than we do? Is every decision we make already written in the stars? Does being a Scorpio automatically make a person evil and cunning? Was deceit written into my DNA before I was born?
I should have told you that my brother, James, was the president of his own club. Maybe if you’d known, you would have stayed away. But I couldn’t tell you—just like I couldn’t let you walk away after that first night.
The Black Vultures were a vicious, sadistic bunch of bikers. If you looked up murder and mayhem inthe dictionary, you would find a group picture of my brother’s club.
So maybe it was in my DNA.
I tried to be the black sheep. Stayed quiet while Caroline and James were loud and proud. I tried to stay in their shadows, always pushing against the pressure to belong. To do what they did. To reach out and grab what I wanted.
It wasn’t until you came into my life that I finally embraced my legacy. I didn’t care that you were twenty years older than me. I didn’t care that you were part of a rival club. Even if I’d known about George and how he would impact my life, I still would have chosen you.
Love was my downfall.
I loved you, Stephen, in a way I never knew even existed. But contrary to what romance novels and Hallmark movies tell us, love does not conquer all.
Love wasn’t enough to save my family. The love we shared wasn’t enough to protect our daughter. But just maybe, the man my daughter finds, the one she falls in love with… maybe their love will be different. Maybe it will be strong enough, powerful enough, to break down the walls. To succeed where you and I couldn’t.
Maybe it will be enough to break the rules of our world. The rules that told us we couldn’t be together. Thatwe needed to hide our love. Hide our daughter. That we needed permission to be together.
