He kissed my forehead to ease my trembling nerves. “You need to keep your relationships with the rulers intact no matter what. I am nothing to them, but you, you hold the ultimate power. Keep them wrapped around your finger, Nick, because the moment you lose control, the entire balance of the world falls apart.”
“Why is everything always contingent on me! Why do I have to make all the hard decisions! Why am I never powerful to make people listen to me!” My head hit his chest. “I’m supposed to be this all-powerful God, but I can’t stop everyone from deciding my reality for me! If I want you free, it should be that way, no matter what!”
“You are not powerful enough for that kind of battle right now. You can fight and fight and fight, but you will lose. These beings… Peregrine… they are centuries upon centuries older than you and I. They hold power and knowledge that precedesus by the millenniums. You need to learn where to fight your battles, and which ones are worth fighting.”
I wiped my nose clean on my shirt sleeve. “So, what, I just let you rot in here and get tortured by demons while I train and pretend like nothing is happening?”
He smoothed my hair down, which was frizzing due to the extreme heat. “That is exactly what you do. I can handle myself.” He sounded incredibly unsure when he said this, but continued, nonetheless. “I want you to keep your focus on your studies and do whatever you can to become a God, because when I am out of here…” he began to tremble, full head-to-toe tremble, “I don’t think there will be much left in me to continue being one myself.”
“Don’t say that, please…” I weakly begged.
“It is the truth. I am too broken to keep doing this, and this… this might do me in for good, kiddo.” He let a weak puff of a laugh escape him before he turned to Decimus. “How much time do we have left?”
“About a minute,” Decimus sadly answered.
Dad kissed my temple three times before pulling me back into his arms, where he cradled me the way he did when I was a little kid. I clung to his back and cried into his shoulder, utterly beside myself with grief. “Take care of your mother and yourself. Let Seraphine and the other Gods guide you when I cannot, and remember that we will be together again soon. I keep reminding myself of that, too. What is a hundred years to me is only one year to you, and I’ve already put a dent in that number. We’ll make it work, like we always have.”
“I love you!” I wheezed out, “and I swear, I’ll do everything you asked of me, I swear! You’ll be so proud of me!”
“I am so proud of you.”
Peregrine emerged from the long hallway and knocked twice on the cell door. “Nicodemus? Time is up, my friend.”
“I… I…?” I attempted, frazzled beyond all recognition.
Decimus held a hand out to me. “You made a promise, remember?”
Dad pushed me to stand. “Don’t be a God that does not fulfill his promises.”
Decimus had to basically drag me out of the cell, and once we were back in his throne room, he and Peregrine gave me the space to sit on my knees and let out all of my pain. Decimus, who still understood true empathy, gnawed on his lip at his discomfort from my flooding emotions, while Peregrine sat stone-faced. He didn’t really know how to comfort me, nor do I think he really wanted to, but he at least gave me a minute to collect myself.
Peregrine finally couldn’t help himself and blurted, “Gods, are all Elementals and Humans this emotional?”
“Fuck you, you rotten, soulless bastard,” I spit through clenched teeth.
He was unamused by my comment. “I’ve been called worse.”
“You’re not really helping, Peregrine,” Decimus interjected.
“I can see that.” He reached a long hand out and went to pat my head, but I slapped him away from me violently. His jaw grew taut with surprise before he brought his hand back to his pocket. “You’ll thank me, eventually, for what I allowed today, but I understand you are angry right now. I will leave Decimus to tend to you.”
“That’s advisable,” Decimus retorted. He nodded to the throne room doors. “Tell Odysseus and Seraphine to head home; I’ll handle Nick.”
“As you wish.” Peregrine ghosted through the doors, which shut loudly behind him.
Once he was gone, Decimus crouched down in front of me and smoothed my bangs up to try and catch my gaze. When he was sure I was looking at him, he cracked a smooth smile. “It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten some fresh air. Why don’t we go smoke a cigarette and take a breather?”
I sniffled loudly and wiped my nose clean again, as it had been running uncontrollably. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Why are you arguing?” he teased with a wink.
I coughed once, a good, deep cough, then nodded softly. “A cigarette sounds really nice right now. Maybe a stiff drink, too?”
“We’ll make it a double.”
Chapter thirty-two
Dark Gospel
