Even I could hear it, how fragile those words came out. As he listened, he pulled away, looking down at me—his eyes completely widened with disbelief. After a few seconds, he frowned before slowly exhaling and closing the door behind him. When he looked back toward me, I was scared of the look on his face. There were so many things he could say. My fingers moved anxiously, fiddling with what nails I had left. This was our first real conversation about what happened and I knew I needed to apologize more. I needed him to hear everything I had to say. “I’m sorry for leaving,” I whispered. “For not asking you about the videos and for not staying long enough to talk.” A new emotion forced through the wall that kept me excluded from him—guilt. I was overcome by the sheer strength of it, but I continued, “I was scared. I didn't know that he—”
“Stop.” The word cracked in the air along with his voice as his hands wrapped around me, pulling me into his chest. “Pleasejust stop, baby.”
I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling he gave me. The ease he brought wasn’t something I’d ever learned about, nor could I define it. The comfort he offered by just being him made me feel like anything could happen and I would be okay. As long as his arms were around me, just like this—wewould be okay.
After a few seconds, he pulled back and our eyes met. The bright blue staring back at me was flooded with tears. My chest tightened at the sight, at what was happening to him. He shook his head slowly at me, making sure I was fully aware that he didn’t want any more words. The movement of his head caused a few to fall onto his cheeks and I just watched them as they trailed down his skin.
He went to open his mouth but stopped. The words didn’t come until he tried again a few seconds later. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.” He moved his hands to my cheeks and brought his mouth to my forehead, kissing the skin there. I could feel more tears fall as he spoke. “I’msorry, Ember. I’m sorry I didn’t get to you fast enough. I’m sorry I didn’t know you sooner. I’m sorry that you waited so long for me to find you.”
When he pulled away to look down at me, the intensity was so raw. The prison my mind had been forced into, started to crumble. The wall came down first—the one I had been stuck behind. I could see everything clearly now.I could feel everything.As the pieces crashed down around me, his voice becamelouder, drowning out all the others I had recently battled.
“Don’t you dare apologize to me.Ever.” Silas leaned in yet again asking for my permission before his lips softly touch mine. “This will be the only lifetime I let this happen to you. In all our others, I promise I will find you faster.”
I nodded into him, feeling my own face wet from the emotions I’d buried.
As his lips moved against mine, his words came out as a whisper. “I’ll just follow that god-awful yellow color every time, until I get to you.”
A sound much like a laugh escaped me, but I was surprised at how alive it sounded, and it was all because of him. That sound meant Bodhi didn’t win and I hadn't been carved out hollow like I’d thought. There was still hope, so I swallowed hard, grabbing onto it with both hands. “You still want me? Even after—”
Before I could finish, he hoisted me into his arms, pulling my legs around him. The movement jarred me enough that I stopped talking. Turning us, he placed my back against the door, so I was supported, but there was still the slightest amount of space between us.
“Ember,” he said firmly, his grip tightening around the backs of my thighs, “I willalwayswant you.” He smiled, and this time, it felt real. “I think I get it now, why everything happened in both our lives. I was put here for you,” he said quietly. “That fire you have? The one that makes you loud and stubborn and impossible to control?”
A faint spark flickered inside me, the same one I’d felt over the last few days. I grabbed it, refusing to let go as he beathed life back into it.
“I’m not letting anyone take that from you.Ever. It’s my job to keep it lit.”
37
Silas
Just over two weeks had passed, and Ember was starting to come back. Little by little, I watched as she rebuilt herself and started to thrive in our life together. Each step she took forward was not just her simply stitching the broken parts of herself but welding the pieces I offered her into place. Each day that passed hardened her fragility, until the woman standing before me wasn’t just healed—she was forged into something far more resilient than she ever was before.
If you asked me at the beginning if I even thought this was possible, I would have laughed. Not because I doubted her, but because it took some people an entire lifetime to recover from things like this. Turns out, my girl’s fire had room to grow.
When I first brought her home, I thought there wasn’t going to be a chance in hell of getting her back fully—at least, not for a long time. But just a few days in, she’d opened up to me, allowing me to be part of this process with her. What started as an apology turned into me proving I wasn’t going anywhere, and we’ve taken it day by day since.
Considering the events that unfolded were enough to rewireanyone'sbrain, I waited for the days where she might regress,but this woman, this goddamn goddess, had yet to yield.
At first, we spent a lot of time just existing in each other's silence. I felt it often, how the quiet would turn against her. Every particle of the air surrounding us would go stale, and she would stiffen. When those moments crept in and I saw her slipping into her own head, I did everything I could to pull her back out of it. I talked about anything that came to mind—stories about my brothers and the stupid things we did growing up, like the time I duct-taped them to the wall. I rambled about my plans for the club, about the future I wanted to build for us. When she needed it most, when the quiet became the loudest, I told her how I felt about her.
Each time that conversation came up, I wished there was a better way to explain things. There was no word that described my connection to her. Every emotion felt too small, too soft for something that had rooted itself so deeply inside me. Having her in my life wasn’t just something I wanted—it felt vital, like the breath in my lungs.
It was during these specific talks she made me realize that I’d never truly lived before her. I simply wandered around a black-and-white world, refusing to see the color. I think something inside me died when my mother did, and it was only after Ember found me that I started to notice it. Somewhere along the way, without me even realizing it, she became the reason I looked forward to the idle moments. The times when I could just sit, feel her skin and be in her presence. Those moments became pivotal to her recovery, and as time went on, I realizedjust how important they were to me too. They gave me purpose.Shegave me purpose. Every chance I was given to help her helped heal a small part of me.
This became our routine, at least for a little while. Soon, I felt comfortable taking phone calls about the club without worrying about her. On days I needed to attend meetings or go over numbers, I grabbed the blankets from our bed and made a little nest on the floor next to my chair. She seemed content with that, and it became our daily thing. I’d load her up with a variety of snacks, along with different books, and she’d snuggle into the blankets around her. At times, I wished it could bemegiving her that comfort in our bed, but little things like this made her happy.
After my meetings ended for the day, I looked down at her. “How does a shower sound?”
Tilting her head back and forth, she considered the thought before pulling the blanket from around her to stand. Walking toward my bathroom, she looked back over her shoulder once at me before turning the corner. Shaking my head, I heard her yell, “You coming or what?”
I stiffened at the offer before answering. “Are you sure you need help?”
A mess of brown hair popped out from around the corner along with a very naked collarbone. “Well, I need you. So...”
I stood from my chair faster than I probably should have, and she squealed before moving back toward the bathroom. Against my better judgement, I followed her.
By the time I opened the door, she had the water running and was standing next to the shower, waiting for me. There was a towel wrapped around her, and from what I could tell, her body seemed tense.
