Probably about the same as how I’m taking it.
FIFTEEN
LILY
I’m woken on Monday morning by my phone vibrating next to my hip. Initially, I’m confused about where I am, and why my body hurts so much. Soon enough the memories of yesterday and how I’d left it with Tyler swamp me.
These have me levering the recliner in Alice’s room at the Rose Haven into an upright position. It’s a maneuver that sees her snuffling awake, her myopic gaze soon landing on me.
As I retrieve my phone from where it’d fallen down the side of the seat cushion, I’m having trouble coming to terms with my spending the night here. While my being away from the trailer had started out because I didn’t want to be there if Tyler returned, this soon changed.
Hours spent walking up and down the beach had done nothing to make things any clearer for me. While I feel bad about how things ended between us, I can’t tell him why we need to end it. Not without getting a little girl I love to bits in trouble.
But my being in love with Tyler no longer matters. I can’t stand in the way of Zoe and her dream of having a baby sister. Losing my sister had hurt so much. I won’t put another little girl through that. I also can’t lose sight of the fact he’d said he wanted more kids.
Sadly, this is something I can’t help either of them with.
As the afternoon had worn on, I’d still stayed away from the trailer, wanting to avoid the sweet memories it held of Tyler. I’d also needed some sound advice on where I go to from there.
It was for this reason I’d called in to see Alice. While the old girl could be an interfering busy-body, she also had a lifetime of commonsense to call on. It was something I appeared to be lacking of late.
As surprised as I am to wake in the recliner in Alice’s room, so it would appear is Alice. Only now do I remember she’d fallen asleep before I did. While she rummages around on the bedside table for her glasses, I have a quick look at my phone. Two missed calls, both from Tyler.
I can’t deal with him right now, not with my emotions still in a tangle. Far better to fire off a text message to delay what will be a horrible talk. While the chicken in me wants to gaslight him and pretend none of it happened, I can’t do that.
Of course, I’ll eventually have to tell him the full story of why we need to call it a day. And I’m dreading that because I know it’ll get Zoe in trouble for something she can’t help. My non-committal text sent I dump my phone in my purse where it will be easier to ignore.
That done, I look up to find Alice staring at me, her large owl-like glasses now in place. “That was him, wasn’t it?”
I nod, but go no further.
“I hope to heck you’ve seen sense and told him you’ll see him soon.”
This has me shaking my head. “I can’t, you know that.”
A heartfelt harrumph and she throws the covers to one side with a verve that defies her advanced years. My having spent the night in the recliner, I’m feeling ancient by comparison.
“I want you in that shower, and tidied up, Missy!” She follows this up by pointing imperiously at the door to the attached bath.
While I follow her bidding, my heart isn’t in it, although I enjoy the water pressure. I’m toweling off when Alice opens the door a crack and tosses what appears to be a new pair of underpants through the gap. The only plus in their favor is that they’re not beige.
On walking back into her room, I’m greeted by a fresh pot of coffee and the rest of the chewy cookies I’d brought with me the other day. This has me thinking of breakfast over the past couple of weeks, my eyes soon brimming with tears.
I’ve barely sat down when Alice starts in on me. “Right, you had your turn to talk last night. Now it’s my turn!”
There’s a steel edge to her voice that tells me I’m about to hear a few home truths, or tough love, or whatever. There’ll be nothing fluffy about what Alice has to tell me.
I don’t get to say another word until she’s said her piece. Her words being as shocking as they are, I couldn’t have spoken if I’d tried. She falls quiet, leaving me to sit open-mouthed. My reality shoved off kilter as I couldn’t have imagined.
“They adopted me!? Are you sure about that?”
“I am, sweet child. Dot told me all about it. She’d tried telling you after you went to live with her, but grieving as you’d been, it was simply too hard. After a while, it became impossible. At least for her.”
She falls silent for a beat before continuing. “I told her you had a right to know, but she’d said with you truly an orphan, there seemed little point.”
I take a moment to identify the emotion I’m experiencing, eventually realizing I’m angrier than I’ve ever been. “You mean to tell me I’ve spent years grieving for people who lied to me?!”
I know this sentiment makes little sense, but neither does hearing you were adopted as a baby.
