I let out a loud laugh and rolled my eyes. “You’re all nuts.”
“Dad! Can Oliver and Miss Morgan come fishing with us tomorrow?” Beth ran up to us and grabbed my hand. “Miss Morgan, you have to come! Fishing with my dad is so much fun! Dad always brings food! Andbeer.”
Ben groaned. “Don’t tell people I take you fishing with beer, kid. But she’s right. You should meet us tomorrow to go fishing. Maybe Oliver would like it.”
“Mom, my dinner. We missed it.” Oliver looked back at me and I could see the strain on his face from his routine being off.
“We’re going, Ollie.” I smiled at the guys and shrugged. “Gotta go. Thanks for your help at the meeting tonight, all of you. You saved my ass, Luke.”
He shot me a look that made me blush and scurry down the steps to Oliver. They were right behind me, though, followingalong to the parking lot. We all stopped beside my car and Oliver surprised me by hesitating.
“Mom? Could we go fishing with everyone tomorrow?” Oliver looked up at me and studied my face. “I want to learn about fishing.”
“Come with us! It’ll be so much fun!” Noah was all grins with wide, happy eyes.
“We’ll teach Oliver all about fishing. Like Noah said, it’ll be fun.” Cole rested his hand on my lower back and flashed me a panty-melting smile. “Promise.”
Red lights. Red light district. Red lights flashing as a warning. As if I needed a reminder, fate sent me a giant one shaped like an upside-down triangle. Principal Darren came strutting out of the school with Karla by his side. He walked in our direction but just scowled at me instead of speaking up. The message was clear, though.
“Um, actually… I already had plans to take Ollie fishing. It’s a mother son thing. So… yeah. Ollie, get in the car.” I backed away from them and waved awkwardly. “It’s the thing I told you about, Luke. The rule, you know?”
Luke’s face fell but he nodded. “No fraternization.”
“You’re taking me fishing, Mom?” Oliver sounded as skeptical as he had every right to be.
“Yep! Now get in the car so we can get home and make your sandwich.” I smiled at the kids. “See you guys later. Be good for your dads!”
13
Ben
“What the fuck am I looking at right now?” I tilted my head but it did nothing to make sense of the scene in front of us. “Is she…?”
“Daddy! Language!” Beth rolled her eyes before taking off at a full sprint towards Oliver. “Ollie! We’re here!”
Callie’s head snapped up at the sound of Beth’s voice and even from over fifty feet away I watched her eyes nearly bug out of her head. She was dressed in denim overall shorts with a bathing suit as a top that was letting me see enough to get my blood flowing south. Her hair was in two buns on the top of her head and she looked painfully sunburned. She was also standing in at least two feet of duck shit and couldn’t seem to get out.
“My mom’s stuck. She threw our fishing pole into the lake and then decided to go in to get it. The duck feces at the bottom of the lake is acting as a suction. She’s likely to fall over at any moment.” Oliver looked back at us with his hands on his hips. “I didn’t read about this being a possible outcome when I read about fishing online.”
He broke me. The kid killed whatever self-control I had and I ended up laughing so hard I doubled over and knocked into Cole. The last thing I’d expected to find was the best possible thing I’d ever found. I just hoped Luke or Cole would be able to help Callie out because I was useless. I couldn’t stop laughing for long enough to even stand up straight.
The kids saw me laughing and joined in. Even Oliver let out a few snickers. All the while Callie had her arms stretched out to either side to keep her balance as she struggled to lift her leg.
“Ducks poop every fifteen to thirty minutes. Mom has been stuck for fifteen minutes. There are seventeen ducks on the lake. The average duck poop weighs around five to fifteen grams. That means there has possibly been an additional three to nine ounces of duck feces since Mom got stuck.”
Callie’s skin somehow looked both pale and bright red at hearing Oliver’s tidbits of information. “Oliver! No more poop facts, please! I’m going to throw up!”
“I’ll save you, Miss Morgan!” Noah kicked his shoes off and had his shirt over his head before Cole could grab him.
“No, you won’t. I’ll save Miss Morgan.” Cole glanced around the lake before unbuttoning his pants. “Everyone look away. I’m not getting duck shit soaked into my pants.”
The girls squealed when they saw what Cole was doing and spun around with their hands over their faces. Beth stuck her tongue out and gagged. “Oh, my god, Uncle Cole! Why do your legs look like Emma’s dog?”
“I’m not that hairy! Jesus.” Cole kicked his shoes off and then stepped out of his pants. His boxer briefs violated my vision so I focused on Callie.
She’d slapped her hands over her eyes and was talking to herself. If she meant it to be private, she was failing horribly. “How is this my life? I would say I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life but that’s not true. This doesn’t evenrank top fifteen, which is really saying something, isn’t it? I’ve got duck shit between my toes and I don’t think I’ll ever get this smell out of my nose. I’m going to be broken. Broken by duck shit and lake water. Shouldn’t someone be cleaning this? I wouldn’t wish the job of shit remover on my worst enemy but I need someone to do it. Actually, I’d like to see Karla or Darren do it. Go scoop shit, assholes. Oh, my god. This is quicksand, isn’t it? This is how I die. My tombstone will read here lies Calliope Morgan, the idiot who suffocated on duck shit. It’ll probably cost more because of all the letters.”
Luke was fighting for his famous self-control and I could tell he was close to losing. He looked like he was in pain as he stood perfectly still, watching Cole walk into the lake. He even had tears in his eyes and a wobble to his voice as he spoke. “Local rates average around thirty dollars per character.”
