I sank onto the bed and held my head in my hands. I was a monster. I was trash. I was the worst friend in the entire world. I hated myself in that moment.
A few seconds after the door shut, Lucas was kneeling in front of me, cupping my face in his hands. “That wasn’t great.”
I looked at him, at the sexy man who’d comforted me and then given me wild pleasure the night before, and felt so confused it hurt.
“I’m not even sure what to address first.” He trailed off. “I hadn’t thought about the torture we’d put you through when you were growing up. It left some scars, didn’t it?”
I closed my eyes and nodded. “I think...I think I need some time. I’m really struggling with what I’m doing to Macy.”
“You’re not doing anything to Macy. Making yourself happy isn’t a comment on your feelings for my sister. She knows you love her. And she loves you.” He sighed. “We do need to talk about our history, though. Will you meet us tonight so we can talk?”
I nodded. I needed answers. Ignoring everything from the past wasn’t going to work. When Macy brought it up, I still felt that ache from childhood. It hadn’t gone anywhere.
“Good.” Standing up, he pulled me up and into his chest and kissed the top of my head. “I don’t want to leave you feeling sad like this.”
“I’m okay. Besides, you heard your sister. I smell like a man. I need to shower and get ready to meet her.”
“Let me watch?”
I sent him a withering glare.
“You’re right. Terrible idea.” He looked through the peephole and paused with his hand on the door. “I’ll see you tonight, Cupcake.”
After Lucas left, I spent some time getting ready and then I went down to have brunch with Macy. Jason joined us, so it was relaxed, and we didn’t have to talk about her brothers anymore. I ate my feelings, which pretty much assured that I was going to look like stuffed sausage in my maid of honor dress, but I couldn’t help it. The resort had the best food. Plus, I was stress eating.
We spent a few hours together in the restaurant before Macy convinced me to run into town with her again. Maggie had latched onto her and wasn’t letting go, but Macy planned a trip to buy lingerie that would get rid of her underaged cousin. She wanted to get something special for Jason, so we went to the specialty lingerie shop in town with a driver from the resort. It was nice to get away with just her, and I could almost put aside what I was doing behind her back when we were away from everyone.
“Look at this one.” Macy held up a tiny piece of lingerie that looked like string more than underwear. “Jason would die.”
I laughed. “Is that what you’re going for? Dead husband?”
She put it back and then grabbed a bra set that was just as minimal. “This would look great on you.”
I rolled my eyes at her and moved on. “Are you planning on sticking to something white?”
“Why? We both know I’m not any kind of virginal.”
Laughing, I walked around and stopped short when I spotted the most beautiful piece of clothing I’d ever seen. I grabbed the beautiful white lace set that took my breath away and sighed wistfully without even realizing it. There was silk and lace, and it was all tied together with delicate ribbon. One light tug and the entire set would slip away. It was so sexy and stunning.
“Oh, Sara. That is so pretty. It’d look fabulous on you.”
I jumped and released it. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. Get it. It’s gorgeous and you’d look like a sexy angel in it.” Macy grabbed the hanger and pushed it into my arms. “You have to.”
I pushed it back towards her. “I don’t need it.”
“Sara, you do. When’s the last time you bought something sexy like this?”
I hated that I couldn’t even remember a time when I had. It’d always just been whatever panties and bras were on sale. Looking down at the set, I slowly shook my head, trying to remember that I really didn’t need the set and I wouldn’t even look all that good in it.
“Get it for yourself, or I’m going to get it for you.”
I recognized the stubbornness in her tone and groaned. She wasn’t kidding. There was no way I could let her buy anything for me that I could ever possibly use for her brothers. Sighing, I took it from her and rested it gently across my arm. “Fine.”
“And buy yourself some nice panties while you’re here. You deserve something sexy.”
I didn’t want to argue with her more than I already had about my panty situation, so I just grunted and walked away. Once I got started, it was hard to stop, though. Before I knew it, I was getting fitted for the perfect bra and I was leaving with more matching sets of panties and bras than I’d ever had. Plus, thelittle white number was hidden at the bottom of the bag, a secret weight that I couldn’t stop thinking about.
