“Fine, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to accomplish anything with her acting the way she is,” he growled as he stomped down the path and back into the lodge. Lawson turned his attention back to the therapy office, where Sarah had already ducked back inside.
“You want me to check on her?” Hannah asked, eyes wide and hands clenched into fists at her sides.
Lawson shook his head. “No, it’s fine, I’ll handle it,” he assured her. He had been feeling particularly protective of Sarah lately, after everything that had happened with Jed a few months ago. He imagined that she was seriously spooked by the encounter she’d just had with Toby because of it. He squeezed Hannah’s shoulder lightly as he walked by her down the path.
He reached the door of the therapy office and noticed it wasn’t completely closed. He pushed it open and stepped inside, glancing around. Sarah was slumped on to the small couch opposite her desk, her shoulders still drawn up toward her ears, and her whole body trembling.
“Hey,” Lawson murmured to her softly.
She jumped, her head snapping around like she was suddenly looking for danger to strike. When she saw who it was, she let out a long sigh of relief.
“Oh, Lawson, it’s you,” she replied, pushing a hand through her ponytail, and patting her blond hair back into place. “I—I’m sorry, I don’t…”
“It’s okay,” he assured her. “I sent Toby back to the lodge. He’s going to be fine when he cools down. Are you alright?”
She chewed her lip and stared straight ahead. She looked like she was trying to decide if she was going to tell him the truth or not. But if it impacted her work for the lodge and its residents, he needed her to be honest about what was going on. It was the only way they would be able to support her.
She knew that better than anyone, having worked as the resident psychologist for as long as she had. If her clients weren’t honest with her, she couldn’t effectively help them to heal and overcome their issues. The same thing applied to her in this situation. Lawson wanted to help her, but he needed all of the information first.
“I don’t know what came over me,” she admitted in a small voice, shaking her head and getting to her feet to pour herself a glass of water. She lifted it to her lips and took a long sip, swallowed and then spoke again, a little more clearly this time.
“I can’t discuss specifics, you know that. But…it was just like any other session,” she explained. “We were talking about some of his stuff, you know, and it brought up some triggers for him. He started to get agitated, totally normal for a guy in his position, but when he got up and started pacing around…it—it just pressed some button inside of me. I didn’t know how to handle it.”
Her face was pale, her normal bright eyes dim, as she recounted the incident to him. He could tell how spooked she was—it probably triggered her flight response. Even though it had been months since everything that had gone down with Jed, she was still clearly carrying the trauma from it, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
“I’m sorry,” she told him, finally lifting her gaze to meet his. “I should have… I should have been more prepared for something like that in sessions. It’s normal. I didn’t mean to freak him out.” She sighed, rubbing her temples. “Damn, I feel like I’ve put our sessions back with this.”
“It’s okay,” he assured her gently. He didn’t like seeing her like this. He reached his hand out to touch her shoulder in support, but drew it back and dropped it to his side. He needed to keep his emotions in check and be professional here.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into me recently.” She sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head.
Lawson cocked an eyebrow. Really, she didn’t? It seemed pretty clear to him, even if she wasn’t willing to admit it yet. She felt like she needed to be the strong one, always taking care of others and listening to their problems while ignoring her own needs.
Jed Baxter, one of her previous patients, had turned out to be a double agent trying to get close to Xavier, Lawson’s business partner, to collect information he was convinced he had. In a session with Sarah, he had smashed up her old office, destroying it right there in front of her eyes. It was a miracle she hadn’t been hurt, and Lawson couldn’t even imagine how terrified she must have been when it happened.
So, yeah, it made perfect sense to him that she would struggle with someone else coming at her with the same anger, the same fury, the same harshness. Even if she knew she was safe here, even if she knew that nobody would ever have allowed something like what happened with Jed to happen to her again, psychological wounds didn’t heal just like that.
He knew that better than anyone.
“You have nothing to worry about,” he promised her. “Why don’t you take a break? Go for a walk, get some fresh air, clear your head.” He paused and looked her over. “How long has it been since you’ve had any food? You want to come over to the lodge, get something to eat?”
“I probably should,” she told him. “I was running a bit late today. I didn’t have time for breakfast.”
“Then, yeah, you should,” he replied firmly. “It’ll do you good to get some food in you. Let’s close up and I’ll walk you over.”
“Thanks,” she agreed with a small smile. She flicked her gaze up to meet his, her eyes lingering on his. Like there was something she wanted to tell him—something on her mind she didn’t know quite how to put into words.
Whatever it was, she thought better of it, and pulled her jacket from the back of her chair and slipped it over her shoulders. Even though it was warm outside these days, Lawson hadn’t seen her without a jacket in several months, almost as though it was a protective layer between her and the rest of the world.
“I’ll lock up. I’ve got the spare keys on me. You have your keys?” He looked over to her for confirmation and saw her pat her pocket, then nod her head.
Lawson got the place locked up, and stole a glance at Sarah out of the corner of his eye. There was something he had been meaning to ask her, something he had wanted to suggest. He hadn’t been sure how to bring it up, but he guessed now was as good a time as any under the circumstances. He doubted she was going to take it well, though, but maybe she would come around eventually. He needed to stop beating around the bush and just say it.
“Okay, all set. Let’s go.” He slipped the keys back into his pocket and placed his hand at the small of her back to get her walking.
“Have you thought about taking a break?” he suggested to her.
She immediately stopped walking and frowned at him. “What do you mean? I’m taking a break right now.”
