The pause that followed told me everything.
"It is complex," she said. "A lot has happened here since you left, and he needs you. We need you. We would not have summoned you if it wasn't absolutely necessary."
"That's not what I asked, Mother. Is he dying? Your letters claimed that he was deteriorating rapidly, and I need to know how bad it is."
"His death is not imminent. That is all I can say over the phone."
"This is a secure line."
Another pause, longer this time. I could practically hear the careful calculation happening on the other end of the line, my mother weighing how much truth to dispense against how much she could safely withhold. She was a queen. Partial truth was her native language.
"Your father has not been well," she said. "And for a while things seemed dire, but we have employed several unconventional measures that seem to be improving the situation."
My mother was talking in circles, which meant that my father's so-called illness was political in nature rather than health related.
What was going on?
Had there been assassination attempts?
That wouldn't be the first time or the last, but I knew I wasn't getting more out of my mother over the phone.
"Are you sure that he cannot do without me? You are asking me to make a great sacrifice by demanding that I come home."
"I know, and I am sorry. But there is no other way. We need you here. Your father wants to see you as soon as possible." The slight tremor in her voice could have been a genuine emotion or a performance. With my mother, it was impossible to tell. "There are matters we need to discuss as a family."
"What kind of matters?"
"Not over the telephone, darling. I miss you so much. I cannot wait for the two weeks it will take you to get home to be over. I need to hold you in my arms."
"I miss you too, Mother. I will see you soon." I ended the call and closed my eyes.
My heart was breaking, and my soul was crushed.
Tomorrow, I would leave the Citadel, my friends, the Dragon Force, and the woman I loved, and I had less than eighteen hours to say goodbye to everything that mattered to me.
17
KAILIN
I had lost him many different ways in my nightmares, each death more devastating than the last. I thought I was prepared for this. I wasn't. The reality of saying goodbye to him is so much worse than anything I experienced in dreams.
—From the journal of Kailin Strom
"Iheard that Captain Odinah pulled Alar aside on the stairwell," Morek said between mouthfuls of stew. "Told him that General Lesten wanted to see him."
My spoon froze halfway to my mouth.
"Who told you that?" Shovia asked.
"Baila. She was coming down as Alar was going up. She said Odinah looked serious, but Odinah always looks like she's sucking on something sour, so that doesn't say much."
"Did Baila hear what it was about?" I asked.
"No. Just that the General wanted to see him. Baila thought that Alar was in trouble for over-tightening the secondary harness on every flight, which apparently violates some regulation about causing his dragonia unnecessary discomfort or something like that. She wasn't sure which regulation it actually was. Not that I think she was right. That's the kind of thing that Odinah would have handled herself. Not something the General would have bothered with."
Morek was right about that, and the dinner that he'd improved by adding actual flavors to the bland food prepared in the officers' mess hall kitchen had lost its appeal because what I suspected was much worse than what Baila theorized.
I exchanged glances with Codric, who was sitting across from me.
