The little girl waited, watching me with complete trust.
"Sasi," Sella whispered. "Come here, baby."
But Sasi didn't move. She wanted her answer, and she wanted it from the princess who went up the mountain, who would surely know.
I had answered every other question that day with the truth. I had described to one widow the precise spot where her husband fell. I had named my own guilt aloud at a stranger's table. But I could not look into that small, trusting face and tell a three-year-old that her father was never coming home.
"He's still on the mountain," I said, and it was not a lie, because some part of him always would be. "But your mama is going to take very good care of you. And so am I. I promise."
It was the most cowardly answer I gave all day.
Ursa got me out of there when my composure was about to fail, and she had me thanking Sella and out the door and folded into the hover-car while I was still holding the tears from falling.
I made it almost a mile before the tears came.
She didn't say anything. She moved to the seat beside me and let me cry against her shoulder for the second time in three days, and this time she didn't bother with "Your Highness" at all.
14
ALAR
"Checking your straps twice might save your life. Doing so mid-flight might end it. Fear is useful as your servant but fatal as your master."
—Captain Odinah, Dragon Force Academy
The roof of the Citadel was freezing, the strong wind cutting through my flight jacket despite the thick leather and shearling lining. Winter in Elucia was not for the faint of heart, and as someone who had grown up in a much milder climate, I was feeling it more than my fellow Elucian riders.
Around me, the newly bonded riders stood in loose clusters, shifting from foot to foot and tucking their gloved hands into the pockets of their flight pants while scanning the sky for their dragons.
A week ago, this would have been the highlight of my day. Now, I dreaded it.
I clasped Kailin's hand, her gloved fingers threaded through mine in a tight grip. The tension arced between us like a current,and it had been like this before every flight exercise since her last dream that had identified Veynathei as the cause of my untimely death.
"Be careful," she murmured so only I could hear her.
Kailin had been saying the same thing before every training flight with the same quiet urgency in her voice, and the same thinly concealed fear in her eyes.
"I will," I said. The same answer I gave her every time. "You too."
"I'm always careful."
"You are bonded to Morgateth. Nothing about that is careful."
A ghost of a smile crossed her face, but it didn't reach her eyes. It hadn't reached her eyes in a week. "Morgateth is the safest dragon for me, and you know it."
I knew that now, and I also knew what she hadn't said but wanted to. That Veynathei wasn't safe. That she was a young and impulsive dragonia, and that it had been me who should have declined the bond.
It was easy to be smart in hindsight.
How could I have known Veynathei was the dragon in Kailin's dream? I hadn't even known that she was young before I'd bonded with her.
We stood together in silence, watching the sky. Other cadets chatted and laughed around us, still riding high on their post-bonding euphoria. Morek was demonstrating some aerial maneuver to Baila using his hands as miniature dragons, complete with sound effects. Codric and Shovia stood nearby, not touching, but so close that I doubted a sheet of paper could fit between them. It took skill to stand that close and never quite touch.
I envied their ease. Whatever complications their relationship faced, fear of imminent death wasn't one of them.
I hadn't told Codric that the dreams were about my death, and I'd asked Kailin to keep that part from the others. There was no reason to burden them with it.
"The wind is stronger today," Kailin said, and I heard the calculation in her voice. She was assessing the conditions and looking for signs that this might be the day her nightmare came true.
