"Don't 'Kailin' me." I rounded on him, and it was unfair, but I couldn't stop. "You probably think that he's doing the noble thing. He's not! He's being cruel! He doesn't get to end things between us with a damn letter! Let him come here and say it to my face like a man!"
"It's okay," Codric said. "Yell at me." He spread his hands. "Swing at me. I'm a very willing punching bag. I'd rather you hit me than hold it in."
That was when I finally noticed how wrecked he looked, and the rage went out of me all at once, leaving me hollow and shaking. Codric was grieving too. He'd lost his cousin and hisbest friend, and he'd also had to be the bearer of bad news, twice now.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "This isn't your fault."
"I know."
I crossed to him in two steps and put my arms around him. The moment he returned the embrace, something in my chest tore loose, and I broke. I cried into his shoulder, and it wasn't pretty. It was ugly and gasping, and he held on and didn't tell me it would be all right, because we both knew it wouldn't be.
When the worst of it had passed, I pulled back and scrubbed at my face, wiping away the tears.
"I need some time alone," I said.
"Are you sure?" He looked at my face with worry in his eyes.
I nodded. "I need to lie in bed, cover my head with a pillow, and process."
He stayed where he was. "Do you want to write back to him? Tell him that he doesn't get to decide for you?"
I shook my head. "Not yet. Maybe later. Tomorrow. I'll write him tomorrow. Anyway, the letter isn't going to reach him before his betrothal, and perhaps it's for the best."
He nodded. "We need to leave for the afternoon flight training. Are you coming?"
"I think I'll cancel. I'll let Onyx know that I need the afternoon off. He can tell Ravel and Veynathei."
Codric seemed torn. "Are you going to be all right here by yourself?"
"Yes. Go. You don't want to be late."
He hesitated for one more moment before opening the door. "What do I tell the others?"
"The truth." I put my hand on his shoulder. "There is no reason to hide this from them. They need to know."
After he left, I walked over to my bed and lay down, but I didn't cover my head with the pillow.
I reached out to Onyx.
"What's the matter, Little Warrior? I sense your distress."
"I'm fine, so to speak. But I'm not fine to fly. Please tell Ravel that I won't be training with him this afternoon. Tell Veynathei too."
"Are you hurt?"
"My heart is heavy. I'll tell you about it some other time. Now I need to rest."
He didn't answer right away, but he was still there, still connected to me."Bad news from home?"
"From Alar. It seems that he's not coming back."
"Oh, Little Warrior. I'm so sorry."
I could almost hear him adding that it must be so hard because I was being abandoned for the second time. First by my bonded dragon, and then by the man I loved.
"Anything I can do to help?"he asked instead.
"I just need time."
