Kailin stopped when I entered, and for a moment neither of us knew how to act around the other. Things couldn't just go back to where they had been before she had nearly died, before I realized that I loved her, before I'd held her for hours as she shook, before she'd clung to me like we were the only two people left in the world.
There was no manual with step-by-step instructions for what to do next.
Saphir looked from her to me and back, and as a small knowing crease appeared at the corner of his mouth, I felt the familiar pressure of his attention turning my way.
I had my shields up, as I always did around Saphir, but today they weren't enough to contain the turmoil in my mind, and I suspected the shaman was reading me like an open book.
"Commander Ravel," Saphir said mildly. "What brings you to my office this morning?"
He probably already knew.
"I come with a message for Kailin. Veynathei is offering to train with you until Morgateth returns."
She frowned. "Why didn't she ask me directly? I wasn't blocking her, was I?"
"No, you weren't. She needed my leave for it since you are training with me. I guess she also wanted to know if you were alright to fly."
"I don't know," Kailin said. "I'm used to flying with Morgateth. It will be a completely different experience with Veynathei."
She looked scared, and I knew why, but it was important for her to get over her fear, and the best way to do that was to go right back to flying.
"Training you on a stand-in dragon rather defeats the purpose of the training, but it's important for you to get back in the saddle. You don't want to let fear paralyze you."
Kailin took that in. "So, you want me to take her up on her offer?"
"It's up to you," I said. "I told you what I think, but I'm not your commanding officer, and I won't tell you what to do." I smiled. "You are a shaman in training, and you have the autonomy to decide whether you want to allow fear to rule you or spit in its face."
I was being harsh. I was pushing her, but the final decision was hers, and I knew what she would choose even before she did. Kailin didn't give up. She was incapable of that. She would accept Veynathei's offer and go right back to flying.
For a moment, she didn't answer, and as I saw her working through it, her expressive face broadcasting every emotion, I braced for being wrong about what she would choose.
She was thinking about her brush with death, the memory of the empty air, Morgateth's betrayal…
"You are right," she said, sounding resolute. "If I don't get back up, the fear wins, and I might never fly again. I was terrified of heights my entire life, and I've gotten over it. I will not allow myself to retreat back there. I need to fly, or the fear will eateverything I've achieved. I'm going to tell Veynathei that I accept her offer."
My chest swelled with pride.
"You are incredibly brave, Kailin. Very few would have been ready to get on a dragon's back after a nearly deadly fall, but I knew you would choose the hard road because you're you." I dipped my head to her. "A true Hero of Elucia."
43
IDRILIA
Generations of people may be repeating the same tall tales, but usually those tales grow and change with every retelling. When they stay consistently the same, the question becomes whether those implausible stories should be dismissed as folklore just because they defy logic and what we understand of the universe we live in.
—From the journal of Professor Lorento Haldren
It had been eight days since Professor Haldren had let me borrow his father's journals, and after delving into them, it had taken me exactly two days to decide on another expedition and start assembling a crew.
Now, as I stood at the bottom of a mountain that I had sworn to my mother I would not climb until after the ball, drinking bad caff and watching the sun come up over a camp that was half the size of the previous one, I wasn't sure of my impetuous decision.
I'd changed every parameter I could think of about this expedition, so it was nothing like the one that had killed two men. The truth was that the avalanche could have easily claimed many more lives, so we'd been lucky to lose only two, but it felt wrong to call it luck when two families had lost their husbands and fathers.
The biggest difference in this expedition was that the site lay well within Tarina's borders. That kept the first of my two vows intact, it was also a much easier climb than the slope where I'd found my Silver Princess. Professor Haldren had gone up this slope many times while he was well into his sixties, and Professor Lubina Graff hadn't been much younger, so it couldn't be a difficult climb.
They had set up their makeshift laboratory on a shelf of mineral rock and done the work right there on site instead of attempting to transplant a flower that didn't take well to being removed from its natural habitat.
I had the professor's maps and his coordinates, written in his own hand. I knew where I was going almost to the step, which was a luxury I hadn't had the first time.
