“Hey Bev. I’m alright. Kind of. Not really.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
I explained everything that had happened, then asked, “Why does she need space? Does she not trust me?”
Bev took a drink of her coffee and said, “Honey, she has lost her grandparents, her last close family members. She’s grieving thathard, especially if she isn’t close with her mother.”
I agreed. “She’s not.”
Bev continued. “Right. She’s in survival mode, and there’s no time limit or exact process for that kind of grieving.”
I nodded and replied, “Yeah, I can understand that.”
Bev eyed me for a second and added, “You are a fire, Jesse.” I laughed. She went on, “I mean it. I’m not just saying that because you’re a firefighter. You have a way of pulling everyone into your orbit. It’s a beautiful thing. People take to you easily. I’m surethatcaught her off guard too.”
“I love her, Bev. I know it sounds insane because we haven’t known each other for long, but I didn’t know what love was when I was with Mikaila. I thought I did, until I met Laida. I love her and it’s something I’ve never felt for anyone else.”
“So, let’s break this down. She needs to feel safe with you, but I’m sure after the Mikaila incident, she’s a bit shook. She’s in survival mode. She probably loves you too, but it’s terrifying the ever-living shit out of her because of what happened. She has a dog she’s caring for unexpectedly and let’s be honest, sometimes animals are just like kids. She wants to be independent since she owns her own business, but she has become heavily reliant on you around the farm….”
“I see what you’re saying. Her whole word has been shaken.”
Bev emphasized, “To its core.” Neither of us said anything for a moment and then she said, “She needs space. Give it to her, but don’t write her off. Send her a text to check in every nowand then. Let her know you’re still here but you respect what she needs from you right now.”
“Fuck this is hard. Ya know, Bev, I swore off women after Mikaila.”
“Honey… you swore offMikaila, not women. That’s why it was so easy to fall for Laida. She’s different. She was gentle with you, and she understood what you needed. Now, understand what she needs. Part of putting someone first is allowing them space to feel and go through what they need to, without disappearing. She needs someone to putherfirst.”
“Damn, you’re right.” I put some money down on the table to take care of my bill. “You always know what to say. Thanks Bev.”
She grinned. “Anytime honey. Now go make things right!”
***
Thinking a lot about what Bev said, I decided to shoot Laida a text.
Me: “Hey Herbalist, you there?”
…
I watched the three text-drafting dots appear, and nervously thought, what if she told me to fuck off?
Laida: “Hey insane Firefighter. What are you doing?”
She responded the way I’d hoped she would. It was a good sign.
Me: Insane? You wound me. Why do I have to be insane?
Laida: “Because you like running into fires. I’m still trying to make sense of it. But I guess someone has to save everyone. You’re good at it.
I wasn’t sure if there was some underlying meaning in what she was saying.
Me: I’ll save you if you let me.
Laida: Jesse, I don’t need to be saved.
Fuck!I thought. I shouldn’t have said that. That’s not what I meant to say. The conversation was already going sideways.
Me: I know that. I just mean, I miss you. I miss helping around the farm.
