“I might just go tonight anyway,” I shrugged like it was no big deal. “Maybe I can find me a beta to keep me busy for the night.”
“Oh?” Taryn asked, perking up. “Does this mean you’re finally looking?”
I snorted. “No, this means I’m going to find a little stress relief… no strings attached.”
Now it was their turn to hide the disappointment. Guilt hit me hard. Again. At some point, I should save us all and just tell them the truth.
But I couldn’t. I felt so fucking stupid and the court made a mockery out of me. The last thing I wanted was for them to know the truth.
That I was damaged goods.
It wasn't just that I was terrified of commitment, it was the fear that an alpha would take one look at my scars and see how ugly they are. That he’d try to control me just like Cameron did.
My leg had healed, but my abdomen down to my pelvis was mottled with burn scars. My upper arm, too.
I had to shove the thoughts away before they could turn dark again, forcing a smile on my face.
“Don’t worry, one day I’m sure some knights in shining armor will sweep me off my feet.”
Taryn grinned and nodded. “You’re right. That’s how fate works. Even you can’t hide from it when it comes knocking.”
With that they flounced away, happy to move on.
I just needed to fake it through today and then I could let loose tonight. For a few hours, I could pretend that whoever warmed my bed wasn’t put off by my scars, and that I was just an omega who prefers to be single.
Work dragged by slowly. It was like the clock was plotting against me and my plans. I even checked the battery to make sure that it was ticking properly.
"Why the long face?" Dani asked with little Wrigley in her arms.
"I just needed baby cuddles," I told her, holding out my hands for the little guy. Another deflection. I was honestly a terrible friend. I was loyal and I loved them, but letting them in was hard.
"I'll call you for the next three in the morning feeding," she laughed as she handed him over.
"Nope, that’s why you have three mates. Make them get their asses up and help," I reminded her.
"Oh I do, they don't get out of it. If I get up, so do they. Is he good with you for a few? I really need to pee and he hasn't let me put him down," Dani asked, dancing from foot to foot.
"Of course. I'm his favorite Auntie. Do what you need to and grab a coffee or something. The two of us can hold down the fort," I said as I bounced him until he started babbling.
"Thank you," she said before running out of the room.
I stood up from my desk and carried the sweet boy to the front desk. There were a few people milling around in the shop and a couple stopped to talk to Wrigley. He and the twins were crowd favorites and the twins would ham it up for more attention.
The clock on the computer finally hit five and Dani came back in with a look of relief and a latte.
"You're the best, Bea. Thank you, I needed this pick me up," she said, taking Wrigley back from me.
"Always. Now Auntie Bea is going to change and get to drinking," I laughed as I gave her a little wave.
She let out a little chuckle, but I was serious. Alcohol was the one thing that kept the nightmares at bay. I’d slowed down once the nightmares eased, but for some reason they were back. I wasn't sure why they decided to start up again but I had to shut them down.
There was no time for me to go into depression mode right now, the business was booming and I had family that cared about me. That was something that Cameron never would have allowed. He wanted to be the center of my world, no matter the cost.
Just the thought of him sent a shiver down my spine. Fuck, I kept letting him in. I had to stop.
He wasn't going to stop me from having a good time tonight. I was done living my life for a man and the scent blockers that I took regularly ensured that I wouldn't find my mate or mates.
Did I tell the girls about them? No. That would dash their hopes of my happily ever after. They, clearly, knew I didn’t have a strong scent, but not why.
