She squeezed her eyes closed, vehemently shaking her head. But I wasn’t going to let her hold it in. Wasn’t going to let her become this uncaring, unfeeling ghost of the woman she once was.
Wasn’t going to let her become like me.
I slid my hand between us and pressed my thumb to her clit, gently rubbing her.
She fought it at first, her face squeezing tight as she formed her lips into a tight line. So I rubbed even faster, meeting her thrusts.
Finally, a soft moan broke free and her eyes snapped open, determination within. She dug her nails into my chest as she moved against me with more urgency.
“That’s it, baby. Give me your pain. Let me feel it.”
She increased her motions at the same time as her nails dug in even deeper, drawing blood. But I didn’t care. I welcomed the pain. Needed the pain.
“Give me your hurt and regret and blame. Let me feel it all. Make me hurt. Make me bleed. Don’t hold it in.”
She’d done that for years. Held it in. Swallowed it. Survived it.
But surviving wasn’t the same as healing.
And she needed to start healing.
“It’s okay to let yourself break, Ariana. To let yourself feel. You don’t have to stay strong all the time. Not anymore. Not with me.”
Her movements turned almost frantic. Like she was trying to outrun something that continued to gain on her. That was probably what it felt like to be married to Victor. Always having to be on your toes. Always trying to stay two steps ahead of him.
And always being dragged down with him.
“Let go, Ariana,” I grunted, struggling to hold on when all I wanted to do was lose myself in her. “I promise I’ll be there to catch you.”
At that, her entire body trembled, her release overtaking her, wave after wave of bliss consuming her. I clutched her hips, allowing myself to finally let go with a strangled roar.
But the feeling that flooded me wasn’t the typical bliss or satisfaction.
It was heavier.
Darker.
Like pleasure had fused with sorrow and refused to separate.
I pulled her lips to mine and captured her mouth, as if I could seal the cracks with my touch. With my love.
When she had nothing left, she sagged against me, burying her head in the crook of my neck. For several long moments, I simply held her, running my hand up and down her back.
Then a sob broke free, raw and tormented.
It was the sound of a woman who’d been holding herself together for far too long and had finally allowed herself to break. I tightened my arms around her, pressing my lips to her damp hair.
I didn’t try to soothe her with words. Words seemed meaningless right now anyway.
Her tears soaked into my skin, her fingers curling into me like she was afraid I’d disappear if she let go. But I didn’t let go. I held her through every cry. Every shudder. Every jagged breath.
I comforted her with my body. With my warmth. With my love.
Right now, it was all I had.
I just hoped it was enough.
Chapter Four
