I walk inside, pausing for a second to consider the delicate state of my stomach. When I don’t have second thoughts about being in a strong-smelling place, I let out a sigh of relief and grin at Lina when she hurries over, smiling.
“Hey, Rose. I was just going to ask Joel about you. I told Harry about Ben, and he was desperate to make sure you’re coming to his party this Saturday.”
Ben literally starts hopping up and down the second Joel lifts him from his shoulders and sets him on the floor. I have no idea how I’m going to contain his excitement until this party, but I’m going to have to figure out a way to do it. “Ben would not want to miss it for the world.”
“It’s around midday at our house,” Lina explains. “There will be an ice cream cake, games, music, and all his friends from school will be there.” She winks at me, eyes sparkling. “Win will be there. I won’t tell you what he’ll be wearing, but he’ll definitely be wearing something.”
Intrigued by this mystery, which I have to admit has me more excited about the party than before—being surrounded by dozens of sugar-fueled five- and six-year-olds isn’t always fun, especially given how sensitive my stomach is—I turn to the kitchen hatch.
Win catches my eye and grins. I mouth a hello and point him out to Ben, who waves so frantically it’s as if he’s afraid Win won’t see him.
Win laughs, long and loud in the kitchen, making the people at the front counter twist around to see what’s so funny, and they smile at Ben’s enthusiastic waving.
“I’ll be at the party too,” Joel says, pulling my attention back to him. “Just a little later. I have a couple of things I need to do at the firehouse first. Maybe you can convince Murph to stop by.”
I raise my eyebrow. “Me? Why would I be able to convince him to come?”
Honestly, I kind of expected Murph would be there if Win and Joel were going.
“Crowds and people are two things Murph actively avoids.” Joel points at me. “You, he actively seeks out. Ten bucks he’s there.”
I pretend not to notice Lina’s curiosity. She doesn’t know Murph is my scent match, and I’m not sure when I’ll tell her. Ben’s patience runs out. Joel grabs his hand before I can, stopping him from running to see Win in the kitchen. I thank Joel and ask Lina for her number, and she promises to text me her address, while I make a mental note to pick up a gift for the birthday boy.
“Are you guys staying to eat?” she asks. “Our lunchtime rush is gonna hit soon if you want a booth with a nice view.”
I shake my head. I’m not hungry yet, and I don’t want to take up a big table during their busy period when Ben and I can just sit at the counter. “That’s okay. We’ll grab a stool, and Ben can eat something there.”
Lina hurries off to deal with her customers.
Joel, keeping a tight hold of Ben’s hand, catches my eye. “I’ll be at the counter waiting to pick up pies for the firehouse. If you wanted to go deal with thatthing.” He gives my purse a pointedlook. “I can watch Ben. Maybe I could help him order a drink and a snack.”
It’s not a bad idea. I could do the test at home later, but there’s no guarantee Ben would leave me long enough to do it, and I’d rather not wait until tonight when he’s in bed. I don’t need that much excitement when I should be winding down to sleep.
I turn to Ben, waiting until I have his attention. “What do you think about staying with…” My voice trails off, and a smile spreads across my face as Ben starts dragging Joel toward the counter. Joel, over six feet tall and packed with muscle, doesn’t so much as budge. My gaze returns to Joel. “Guess Ben likes that idea.”
Joel chuckles. “Guess he does.”
My eyes drift to Joel’s mouth. Seeing this, his smile widens, and I step back, blushing.
“Thanks. I won’t be long.” I drop into a crouch in front of Ben and give him the look that warns of consequences if he doesn’t listen. “No jumping around all over the place when people are trying to have a quiet meal. You sit with Joel, and you don’t make him chase you all over. Do you hear me, Benjamin Hayes?”
“Yes, Mommy.” He stands tall, chest out, radiatingserious.
It’s tempting to smile and ruffle his hair, but I resist. If Ben is acting like a grown-up, he’s more likely not to run off or cause mischief. Seeing that he means it, I rise and watch Joel lead Ben to the front counter. Joel lifts Ben onto a red stool and spins him once, making Ben giggle. By the time I turn to walk to the restroom, Win is stepping out of the kitchen, wearing a stained white apron, greeting Ben with a wide grin.
I don’t know how I found three men who have taken so wholly and completely to my son, but their care and attention keep making me want to cry.
Conscious that I don’t have a lot of time, I hurry to the restroom and into a stall. The test is easy to use. It’s one I used three times when I first suspected I was pregnant with Ben. The only hard part is not accidentally peeing on my hand. The worst is sitting on the closed toilet seat, staring at the test and waiting for two pink lines to appear.
It’s faint at first.
The colors deepen until I’m looking at proof I’m pregnant again.
The tears start with no warning.
I love being a mom, and the thought of having another little boy or girl to love makes my heart squeeze in the sweetest way. But it hurts too.
That Simon isn’t here.
