The quiet that follows stretches out long enough that I start to regret asking. I open my mouth to take it back, but he speaks before I can.
“I had a mate, but she died.” His voice is steady, but there’s something underneath it, something worn smooth by time. “It was before we could have any kids. We hadn’t gotten there yet.”
“I’m so sorry, Magma. You don’t have to?—”
“It’s fine.” Another pause, shorter this time. “It’s been years since Sage died. I should be able to talk about it. Icantalk about it. I couldn’t for a long while after. She was a frontline dragon, like I was back in the day. She was good at it, too. Better than most of the males I commanded, if I’m honest.” A faint warmth creeps into his voice. “She used to say she’d retire the day we decided to start a family. We’d talked about it for ages. We had a date picked out, even. She was going to start a desk job in a few months. It was her last leg of duty.” He stops. “There was a skirmish with the Reds. She was killed saving a teammate.”
I don’t say anything for a moment. There’s nothing I can say that won’t sound small next to that.
“That’s awful,” I finally manage. “I’m so sorry. And now, with the borders open and the treaty signed, it must be quite tough. I know the end goal is to have Draig Dragons and Reds living side by side.”
“It is tough.” He doesn’t try to dress it up. “I’m trying to keep an open mind. I really am. From what I’ve heard, I think most of them are decent enough. But then today happens, and it doesn’t exactly help my case for giving them the benefit of the doubt.”
“No,” I agree, “I guess it doesn’t.”
We sit with that for a while, the jungle filling the silence around us with its endless small noises. It’s strange how quickly I’ve gotten used to it. This morning, every one of those sounds would have had me jumping. Now they’re just background.
“I take it you never took another mate?” I ask, even though I am prying. I can’t help it.
“Nah. Not for me. I had a mate, and now she’s gone.”
I frown. “That’s so sad. You’re a nice guy. You deserve a second chance.”
“Do you want to settle down? To have kids?” he asks.
The question catches me off guard, but only for a second. “Yeah. I do, actually. I’ve always figured it was something for later, you know? Like a someday thing.” I stop myself, then push through it anyway. “The thing is, I’m turning thirty this year. I guess that’s been creeping up on me more than I realized. Maybe it’s time I actually start thinking more seriously about it instead of just assuming it’ll happen eventually.”
“Thirty is not old,” he says, and there’s a thread of amusement in it. “You’re a baby.”
“I am not.” I laugh softly. “You can tell that to my body. I sure as heck feel old right now.” That gets a low sound out of him that might be a laugh. “But yeah. I want kids. More than one, probably. I was an only child growing up, and I hated it. My parents didn’t make huge amounts of money, so they decided that they would rather give one kid a good chance at life and an education than to have more than one. I used to make up imaginary brothers and sisters when I was little. Pathetic, right?”
“Not pathetic at all. I often wished I was an only child. It isn’t easy growing up with five sisters.”
I laugh. “I’ll bet.” I sigh. “I want a big, loud, messy family. The kind where you can’t hear yourself think at dinner because everyone’s talking over everyone else.” I smile into the dark. “Ijust need to find the right person and get going ASAP.” I laugh, but it comes out sounding a little sad.
“What about Flint? I thought you guys were going to start dating. I thought you liked him.”
“Idolike him.” I nod a few times.
“Has he asked you out?” Magma adds.
“Not officially.” I pick at the edge of the guava in my hand. “We were going to get coffee. We talked about it before everything went to hell. Now I’m not so sure it will ever happen.”
“He likes you,” Magma says. “He told me as much, after you came by Security Central that day. Said he’d be interested in exploring it further. I’m sure he will, once we’re back and the dust settles.”
“That would be really nice.” The words come out a little flat. “It really is. I look forward to it.” I inject enthusiasm into them.
I thought I’d be more excited at the prospect, but I’m not. I think it’s just everything that’s going on. This whole situation. It’s hard to think about coffee dates when a few hours ago I was running for my life. I still am.
“He was quite badly injured trying to save you so?—”
I gasp. “Oh shit! It never crossed my mind. Oh no! The poor guy. Was he okay? Was he going to be fine? Why didn’t I ask you?”
“Relax, Carla. You’ve been through a rough time. He had a broken leg and a gash or two, but?—”
I gasp again, my eyes filling with tears. “That’s terrible. I’m a terrible person.” I mean it.
“You are not.” Magma sounds amused again. “By now his leg will be mending, and those wounds will be healed up. I’m sure he’s worried sick about you. You’re out here fighting for your life. It’s hard to think about anything other than that. Don’t feel bad.”
