“I can’t wait.” Carla smiles.
They chatter for another minute, Robyn firing off instructions about vitamins and rest, and Carla laughing and agreeing to all of it, and I just stand there grinning from ear to ear, unable to stop.
I’m going to be a dad.
Holy shit.
This is huge.
It’s everything.
55
Carla
Magma walks next to me with his hand at the small of my back. I keep expecting someone to ask me why I’m not at my desk, but so far so good.
Magma took a leave-day. He’s in a black T-shirt with his markings running down both arms, and he is drawing looks from every direction. Two nurses from pediatrics stop mid-conversation to stare. I don’t blame them. I stare at him all the time.
Robyn is waiting for us near the elevators; she’s wearing a white lab coat over what looks like a pretty yellow dress. She’s in sandals and obviously came straight from the beach house and is planning to go straight back.
She’d better. I feel bad enough about this as it is.
Her whole face lights up when she spots us. She hugs me first, hard enough to squeeze the air out of me, then she throws her arms around Magma, who looks briefly alarmed and then hugs her back.
“Come with me,” she says, low, glancing down the corridor like a woman in a heist movie. “I’ve got us a room, but we’re going in the back way. If Sandra from imaging sees me, I’ll get asked all sorts of questions I’ll struggle to dodge.”
She leads us down a service corridor, through a door marked Staff Only, and into one of the imaging suites at the quiet end of the second floor.
The moment the door shuts behind us, Robyn spins around and grabs one of my hands and one of Magma’s.
“Okay. Now that we’re alone. Congratulations, you two. I am so, so happy for you. You have no idea.” Her eyes are already shining. “You’re going to be parents.”
“Thank you, Robyn,” Magma says, and his voice comes out lower than usual.
“Thank you for doing this.” I squeeze her fingers. “You should be on a beach right now.”
“The beach isn’t going anywhere.” She waves me off and reaches into a cabinet, pulling out a folded hospital gown, the awful pale blue kind with the ties in the back. She hands it to me. “Right. Business first. There are a few tests I need to run today. Bloodwork, and I want to check your blood pressure. But we’re doing the ultrasound first, because I know exactly how eager you both are to see this baby, and frankly I can’t wait either.”
“I’m so eager it’s embarrassing,” I admit. “I didn’t sleep much last night.”
Magma nods. He doesn’t say anything. There’s a muscle working in his jaw, and his eyes keep moving to the machine in the corner, and it occurs to me that the big, indestructible head of Security Central is nervous.
“The changing room is through there,” Robyn says, pointing. “You can leave the tights on, as well as your bra. Take off your top and put on the gown so that I can reach your belly.”
The changing room is the size of a closet, with a bench, a mirror, and a hook on the back of the door. I strip off my top and pull the gown on, and my fingers fumble the ties because they’re shaking a little.
I’m already at the start of my second trimester, and I had no idea I was even pregnant. I haven’t taken any prenatal vitamins. I drank coffee every single day. I had more than two cups on occasion. When I got back from Mistveil, I ate my feelings for a solid month, and then I flipped straight into a diet, cutting calories like a maniac, doing those workouts from hell, and the whole time there was a baby in there just trying its best with whatever I gave it.
I press my hand flat against my stomach.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to it. “I didn’t know. I promise to do better and to put you first.” My eyes sting and a lump lodges in my throat.
I take a few deep breaths, and then I fold my clothes into a neat pile, and I walk out before I can spiral any further.
Robyn pats the exam bed, which is covered in a fresh strip of paper. “Hop up and lie back for me.”
I do as she says, and the paper crinkles under me. I lie back and stare at the ceiling tiles, and my heart is going so fast.
