It changes now. I need to move forward, starting with finding a date for Saturday. I refuse to have an empty seat next to me.
40
Carla
I take the stairs instead of the elevator, and by the time I hit the second-floor landing, my thighs are burning in a way that almost feels good. I’m going to nail this fitness thing. Watch me!
And I also feel utterly like crap.
How is it possible to feel both great and like utter shit? I am living proof. My body is finally cooperating after weeks of feeling flat and heavy and slow, like I was wading through syrup just to get through a normal day, and the rest of me is stuck on an endless loop that goes nowhere good because of him.
Magma and his white T-shirt. Magma who is taken.
Why?
Whhhyyyyy?
I push through the door into the hallway and try to shove the thought somewhere it can’t reach me.
It’s a new week and a new day.
Anything is possible.
Thing is, I am so excited to watch my best friend marry the man she loves. And I’m walking her down the aisle.
It’s going to be wonderful, and it’s also going to be the longest dang day of my life, because Magma will be there too. His girlfriend at his side.
Even worse, I saw the layout, and I’m at the same table as them.
It’s going to be pure torture.
It’s also for the best.
It’ll be like pulling off a Band-Aid, scab and all. It’ll hurt like hell, but then I’ll get over it…I hope. A whole day of watching him be unavailable to me in every possible way is exactly the reality check I need. The slap in the face. The thing that finally gets through to the part of me that has feelings for him.
How? I hardly know him. We spent a few short days together. Sure, we had great sex, but I can’t be in love with him. I just can’t.
Move on, Carla.
I walk out into the hallway that leads to admin, feeling slightly short of breath.
“Hey, Carla,” the new guard says as I reach him.
“Hi.” I keep walking.
“You look lovely today,” he tells me.
“Thanks.”
Wait just a minute!
I think he tells me that every morning. Is he just being nice?
I turn around.
He smiles as soon as I do, and there’s a faint flush working up into his cheeks now that I’m facing him instead of walking past.
Actually, he’s pretty cute. I’ve never really looked at him before now.
