Once I’m in the shower, I start reflecting on my speech. I was scared I would get in front of the camera and forget everything or stumble over my words. Somehow, I managed to find strength I didn’t know I had. I just hope it was enough.
After my shower, I walk into the room where my clothes are kept and find a nightgown that shows alotof skin. There was a time I would have picked the most modest gown and hoped he didn’t notice me. Tonight, I want him to notice everything. I don’t even feel uncomfortable when I put it on.
When I get to our bedchamber, I lie on the bed. Directly in the middle, doing my best to look alluring. Attractive.Kissable.Maybe even irresistible. Truthfully, I don’t know how to be any of those things. I move around the bed. Change my position. Try to figure out where my hands should go. After almost an hour, I start feeling a little ridiculous. I don’t think alluring women rearrange themselves every three minutes.
I’m still moving around when the door slides open, so I throw myself on my side, supporting myself on my elbow. Just one of many positions I abandoned along the way.
King Lix’tuk walks in and raises an eyebrow when he sees me. Not the reaction I was hoping for. He begins removing his armor, so I roll over on my stomach.
“You’re quiet,” I say nervously. “I hope that doesn’t mean the speech was received badly.”
“So far, everything we’ve seen has been positive. We’ll know more tomorrow,” he answers, hanging his armor on the rack. “I’m quiet because I’m questioning a few things.”
“About letting me talk to everyone?” I ask, feeling a twinge in my stomach.
“No,” he says, turning to face me. “About kissing you.”
“Are you regretting it?” I ask apprehensively.
“I wouldn’t have kissed you if I thought I would regret it,” his voice is husky as he walks closer to the bed. “I’m regretting not doing it sooner.”
I don’t have to worry about being alluring. King Lix’tuk reaches down, slaps my ass, and pulls me into his arms on the bed. His lips immediately find mine and he holds me in a tight embrace while he kisses me.
The kiss lights a fire inside me, especially once I’m pressed against his thick muscles and hard cock. We sink to the mattress, our lips still seared together. My hands move across his chest and along his ribs. His hands slide over my legs and move higher, every inch of skin he touches sizzling.
I’ve never wanted him more. I know why we can’t go further than we have, and I’ve come to terms with that, but it feels like our relationship has changed now. I’m not a pet or a slave or a decoration at the foot of his bed. He’s holding me the way I always imagined men held women they loved. Kissing me that way, too. When our lips finally part, I’m breathless in the best possible way.
“I know we can’t, but Ireallywant to,” I groan, grinding against him.
“I want you so fucking bad, Clover,” he sighs, kissing my cheek. “It’s just too risky. If something happened to you, I would never be able to live with myself.”
“Medical technology has to be better now than it was back then,” I whimper. “And even if it isn’t, there’s contraceptives. Birth control.”
“None have ever been effective for orcs,” he tells me. “Our instincts are too strong, our seed to powerful, and nature still finds a way.”
“What about surgery?” I ask. “I could… I mean, there are ways of making me infertile.”
His gaze darkens and he shakes his head. “I will not mutilate you just so I can fuck you.”
“It’s not mutilation, it’s just a medical procedure,” I say, swallowing hard. “I’ve heard that some women in Concord City get it done after their first child… for obvious reasons.”
“No, Clover. If your speech has the kind of impact I hope, then you will regret it,” he warns.
“Why would I regret it?” I ask.
“If things change in Concord City, I’m not going to force you to stay here with me any longer,” he says somberly. “You’ll have the choice to go back to your family. Where you should have been allowed to stay in the first place.”
I feel a twinge in my stomach. He’s freeing me? I can see my family again. I might be able to find out what happened to Rose. When I first arrived, going home was the only impossible dream I still let myself have. Now he’s handing it to me, and all I can think about is how lonely I will be in my bed without him in it.
It feels wrong. My place isn’t with them anymore. My place is here. Thinking about leaving makes me tear up, and I have to look away.
“Is that why you finally kissed me?” I whisper. “It’s basically goodbye?”
“No, I kissed you…” He lets out a long exhale. “I kissed you because I have feelings for you, Clover. Feelings I’ve tried to fight, because they go against everything I stand for. Or what I used to stand for. Now, I’m… not even surewhatI stand for anymore. But that’s not your problem. I can’t right every wrong in the world, but I’m going to right this one.”
I blink away my tears and look back at him. I’m not sure if I’m showing strength or weakness, but I feel more vulnerable than ever.
“What if that isn’t what I want?”
