“Not exactly the response I was hoping for,” Justin replied, the corners of his mouth turning up.
“What about Hollyhead?” Cordelia blurted out.
“What about your feelings for me?” Justin countered.
Cordelia gaped at him. This was really very unfair. He had her cornered in this shack, naked and vulnerable. Why couldn’t he have been like Rhys, smooth and casual? It would have made things much easier on her part.
“Well?” Justin asked again.
“Y-you know that… well, I’m fond of you,” she said, using the same term he’d spoken a day or two ago. “I was the one that encouraged this… situation between us. I hope you don’t feel responsible for my reputation at present.”
“Responsible? Cordelia, I never would have taken things so far if I didn’t feel strongly for you,” Justin said, tucking a tangled curl behind her ear.
“Define strongly,” she said.
Now Justin frowned. “All right,”’ he said, sighing, “if you’re going to make me spell it out for you. I lo—”
“No!” she shouted, clasping a hand over his mouth. “No, don’t say it! If you say it, you’ll never be able to take it back.”
Justin narrowed his eyes as Cordelia kept her hand over his mouth. Gripping her wrist gently, he pulled her fingers away from his lips. “All right, fine, but semantics aside, I’d like you to consider me. I am independently wealthy, I own property in London, and my father left me a small amount of money to purchase a proper house.”
“What about making improvements to Hollyhead?” she asked.
Justin sat up, dislodging her from the side of his body. He pulled his trousers on in a brusque manner. Cordelia’s headwas spinning. She had grown fond of him… and perhaps more so. But it was too dangerous to name at the moment. Marrying Justin would mean giving up the one life she’d known and loved. What would her sisters think?
“Justin, I—”
“You know,” he said, suddenly aloof, “your Hollyhead might be the one, true love in your life, but for me it was a living hell.”
Cordelia’s mouth dropped open. “I’m n-not sure I understand,” she said.
“Living here I was either hungry or aching from my father’s beatings, or both. The only relief I had was Alice, who looked after me. My father was training me up for using the forge from the time I was five years old,” he said. He smiled ruefully. “The only thing worse than being choked by the soot was being punished for doing something wrong. And let me tell you, he did not spare the punishments.”
Cordelia felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. “Oh, Justin,” she whispered, reaching a hand out to him. He shrugged it away.
“I don’t need your sympathy. In fact, I feel humiliated to be even telling you this. Everywhere I walk on these grounds, I am reminded of my father,” he said.
Cordelia remained silent, watching him. He hung his head, placing his elbows on his knees. “I know that you love this place and you would do anything to keep it. But it was no such sanctuary for me.”
With that, he stood. He reached for his white shirt, throwing it over his body in haste, as though he needed to put something on that would protect him.
“I suggest you get yourself dressed,” he said, not bothering to look at her. “I’ll wait for you outside. We’ve tarried here too long. I’ll tell them we took shelter at the Collinses’, so no one suspects anything.”
When the door slammed behind him, the entire vicarage was thick with his absence. She hadn’t realized the sun had finally broken through the clouds and was shining rosy light through the windows. Feeling chilled, Cordelia found her shift and let it slide over her body. It was still damp and clung to her limbs; her skin was sensitive after the lovemaking.
Now that her mind had been let out of the cage she’d put it in earlier, it was rabid with its judgments. They flitted through her brain like flies on the surface of a pond.How could you do this? What were you thinking? You are wrong for each other! Why don’t you have any self-control?
Bracing herself against the mantel of the fireplace she let out a shaky breath. Reaching around the back of her dress, she finished buttoning her clothing, feeling absolutely deflated. She promised herself five years ago that she would wait for Rhys to return. He’d promised her that he would do right by her, that they were practically engaged anyway.
Twisting her hair in a bun, she bit her lip, more confused than ever. She heard a soft knock at the door. Justin opened it, enough to let the light spill in. “Are you ready?” he asked, and his voice sounded strained.
“Yes,” she replied.
“Your ankle?”
“Still aching, but I’ll be able to make it home.”
He nodded and stood out of the way as she passed him through the threshold. They walked side by side through the sopping grass. Hollyhead was standing proudly, like an old dowager, ahead of them. The late sun was burning off the mist, giving their surroundings an ethereal feel. Cordelia should have been walking on air, but instead she felt every inch of her mortality, from her ankle to her smarting ribcage, to the soreness between her legs.
