Page 28 of The Song We Lost

I nod, because that’s all I can manage.

Glasses clink, as laughter rises and falls in waves. Rachel drifts off and I spot Rose making her way over to me. I don’t have it in me to answer one more time where Luke is. So, I turn, pretending I don’t see her and walk right into… My eyes track up and I see a cheeky grin. Adam looks over my shoulder and quietly asks, “Is this a ‘avoid at all costs’ situation?”

Despite everything going on, I laugh, I can’t help it. He casually grabs my elbow and leads me to the bar, grabbing two glasses of cider off the bar and leading us to the outdoor seating area.

I don’t know him, but Cole trusts him and that is enough for me. Adam hands me one of the glasses and I take a small sip. I don’t drink all that often, a mix of growing up with parents who drank too much and my life never truly feeling like it’s just mine, but Thomas’s cider is what started this crazy dream, in old mason jars around a campfire.

I sigh and take a deep breath.

“Better?” Adam asks from beside me.

I look at him, raising a brow in question.

He chuckles and says, “You looked like you were about to pull a runner.”

I open my mouth to disagree and come up with a believable rebuttal, but I am so tired and I feel like maybe I don’t have to fake it right now. So instead I close my mouth, scrunch up my nose, shrug and take another sip of cider.

We sit in companionable silence for a few minutes, the music drifting out to us from the live band, people laughing. The space we built is exactly as it should be, filled with love and laughter.

“You built a beautiful thing here.” he says, seeming to be seeing the same thing I am.

I offer a soft smile in return, unsure about how to talk about this place, while feeling so raw. So instead I reply, “I hear you are building something incredible, too.”

Adam takes a sip of his cider and smiles, saying, “I hope so. People like Thomas are exactly why I want to have a place where they can showcase what they do best.”

I watch as he lights up talking about his parents farm and a ranch owned by a family he’s known for a long time. How bringing them all together just made sense.

“Is that what you are best at?” I ask without thinking.

Adam gives me the same raised questioning eyebrow that I gave him not long ago.

“Showcasing what others love, bringing together incredible people. Giving them a boost…”

I trail off and Adam studies me for a moment, then says, “I never thought about it that way.”

“What about you, Bailey? What are you best at?”

I don’t know if anyone has ever asked me that. Everyone automatically assumes singing or song writing… I… I want to say love. That the best thing I do is love my family and… But I am suddenly unsure of how good my love is if he… “I don”t know…” I whisper it without meaning to.

Adam shifts beside me and he asks, “Would you like to dance… maybe take your mind off of whatever it is that has you looking so heartbroken?"

I look up at him, worried that maybe I haven’t been hiding my pain as well as I thought. Adam gives me a sad smile, saying, “Don’t worry, she hasn’t noticed.”

I let out a long breath and he chuckles asking, “Well?” holding his hand out to me.

Immediately I think I should say no, pictures and videos are being taken and it would just take one wrong angle of me in another man's arms for… but then I think about Luke and Kacey. So I set my glass down, stand smiling up at the kind man before me. He moves us to the dance floor and swirls me around dramatically, making me laugh which makes Sadie smile. I don’t know if he is intentionally being over the top or if this is just him, but it is working. We dance and eventually someone cuts in and I let myself get lost in the music.

A chant starts for Sadie and Cole, and they spin into the centre of the dance floor, breathless and smiling. This is their night. So I anchor myself to her happiness like it’s a lifeline.

As the night progresses, I move through the crowd slowly. I hug neighbours, thank people for coming, compliment dresses and accept congratulations that aren’t meant for me. Cole keeps a close eye on me and I hate that he has to... It's his day too. Noah pulls me away from an older couple who keep asking where Luke is and when we are going to have beautiful babies. The band finishes a set and takes a break. People are flushed and laughing, with drinks raised. Thomas has been busy getting everyone to taste his cider.

“Bailey! Sing something!” I hear from the crowd.

A few others echo it, playful and hopeful. “Come on!”

I freeze for a moment. This is the part of me the world always wants. The voice. The songs. The performance. I glance at Sadie, mid-laugh with Cole, her happiness so full you can feel it.

And I decide.