Page 213 of The Song We Lost

Sadie stood in what she called the front row, wearing a ridiculous red-and-white cowboy hat she'd found at the dollar store. Every time I looked at her, she would grin and give me a thumbs-up. I made it through one song before I forgot the words and wanted to burst into tears, but then Luke joined in and everything that had felt terrifying suddenly felt right.

The memory still makes me smile.

Today, the crowd stretches as far as I can see. Main Street is closed to traffic. Restaurants and cafés have spilled into the street. Red-and-white decorations hang from every building. Kids run past carrying cotton candy and glow sticks while live music drifts through the hot summer air.

The entire town feels alive.

Home.

The word settles heavily in my chest. Not because it hurts. Because it doesn't anymore. Luke's arms slide around my waist from behind.

"You getting sentimental on me, Sunshine?"

I lean back against him. "A little."

His chin settles on top of my head. "Thinking about Sadie?"

Always. I nod because that is easier than saying it outloud. The answer lives inside me now. Not sharp anymore, but always present. Because she will always be with me.

I look across the crowd. At the families, children, and couples dancing. The life happening all around us. A year ago I wasn't sure I would ever feel joy again, I wasn't sure I knew who I was without my sister. A year ago I wasn't sure Luke and I would survive.

Now I'm standing in the middle of the life we always talked about building.

The life she wanted for us.

The orchard is thriving.

The event barn is booking weddings faster than we expected.

A few months ago we finally finished restoring one of the smaller barns and fenced in the surrounding pasture. Last month we brought home our first goats. Iris is obsessed with them. Every time I hear her squeal when one of them comes up to the fence to greet us I hear Sadie at the farm in Vancouver, so excited.

Every time I drive past them I can hear her voice in my head, talking about chickens, pigs and enough animals to drive the rest of us crazy. The plan is still to expand, just like she wanted.

Just like we promised.

The stage manager waves us forward.

"Five minutes."

This is probably the largest musical production that Hawthorne Ridge has ever seen. We didn’t announce it, we plan on slipping on to that stage in between what has been advertised and giving the people who we grew up with a great show.

Luke squeezes my hand. "You ready?"

I look up at him. There was a time I thought I had lost him. A time I thought success had stolen the boy who used to write songs with me in the bed of his truck.

But we found our way back to each other and I am grateful every single day.

"Yeah," I say softly. "I am."

The crowd erupts when we walk on stage. It isn't thousands of people, or a packed stadium. It is families we grew up with, who are here to celebrate with neighbours. Because this is their festival, their town, and I am so proud to be one of them.

Luke reaches for my hand before the first song starts. A simple gesture, one nobody else probably notices.

But I do.

The set flies by and the crowd loses it when Rhett and Jackson join us on stage. By the final song the sun has just started to disappear behind the mountains.

People sing every word. I look out at the sea of familiar faces and suddenly realize this is it. My final contractually obligated performance, no more labels, or executives deciding who I should be. No more fighting to protect pieces of myself.