Page 154 of The Song We Lost

When I finally looked up Bailey's beautiful face was tear stained and she looked broken…

I did that… I…

“Sunshine… are you… is this real?”

A garbled sound came out of her and a shaky hand reached out brushing hair away from my eyes. She didn't answer, just stood there a look of so much pain across her face. I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward, my head touching her stomach. She didn’t push me away and eventually her hand cupped the back of my head, fingers threading through my hair, her body shaking. My arms came up holding her to me. Hoping this wasn’t a dream, that my mind wasn’t messing with me. The wind danced around us, her scent soothing me, the feel of her beside me.

“I… I am so sorry…” I finally choked out.

I don’t know how much time had passed, I could have stayed there with her forever, finally having her in my arms… finally…

‘I can’t…” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

Her hand left my hair and she tried to step back, but I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t lose her again.

I…

“I can’t do this Luke.”

Why did it sound like she was gasping for air?

I tried to look up, to ask her what was wrong. I…

But Noah was there, pulling us apart. Bailey stepped back, her hands covering her face, it looked like she was sucking in air…

“Sunshine?”

She didn’t answer, and didn't look at me again. She spun around and ran off. Dad followed behind her.

“I can fix this.” I whispered.

“Let’s go Luke.” Noah sounded so far away, his voice broken.

“I am sorry… I can fix this…” My voice was rising… “Bailey… please… come back… I can fix this.”

But she was gone, swallowed by the sun. So I let Noah help me up. Let him get me into his truck, let mom give me kisses goodbye and promise she’d visit as soon as she could. But my mind was onher. My sunshine. I needed to get better, I needed to fix what was broken inside of me… I needed to fix this.

I kept repeating that in my mind, a quiet promise that I would do better. That when she saw me next I wouldn't cause her so much pain. As we drove down the lane, I caught one last sight of her standing at the edge of a field, dad watching her from not far away. She looked so small out there.

I will come back Bailey, I will fix this.

I rolled down the window and whispered, “I love you.” hoping the wind would carry my heart to her. Hoping she could hold on to that knowledge until I could fix what was broken.

chapter 37

bailey

. . .

The gut punch I had felt when I allowed myself to fully take Luke in, was visceral. Like my whole body was rebelling at the truth that was in front of me.

It had felt too good, too comfortable to allow him to hold me, to comfort each other. But the site of Luke, broken, sick, hollowed out. I had to get away from him. Too many feelings were battering me at the same time and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Sadie was getting worse, quicker then we had thought and Luke washome…Luke was here and hewasn’tok.

When I had finally calmed down and saw Thomas watching me, I just shook my head and walked past him. I knew he was just behind me, but giving me enough space to feel all the things I was feeling. I didn’t go to Cole and Sadies first, I went straight for where I knew Rose and likely Rachel would be. Kicking off my boots at the entrance, Thomas quiet behind me, I stormed into the kitchen finding them exactly where I thought they would be. Both of them were standing at the island, looking up at me like they knew I would come.

“Bailey… are you ok?” Rose asked first.