Page 109 of The Song We Lost

I am pretty sure Luke confirms it with every blonde he’s pictured with.

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chapter 25

bailey

. . .

It sneaks up on me. Thanksgiving. Ten days… I have been home for ten days.

Eleven days since Cole called. Ten days since I stepped off that plane and ran through the front door of Sadie’s house like I could outrun whatever waited inside. Ten days since the word cancer rewired my brain.

Time moves strangely here now. Some hours crawl so slowly I can hear every tick of the kitchen clock, others disappear entirely.

This morning the air is cold enough to sting when I step outside. The mountains look different in October light, the peaks already dusted with early snow. The orchard smells sweet and damp, crushed apples turning the soil sticky under my boots.

The harvest is almost finished. Workers move slower today. Most of the bins are already stacked along the barn wall, rows of red and gold fruit catching the sun like something precious.

Inside the house, Rose is already cooking. I could smell it as soon as I woke up.

Cinnamon and apples. Roasting turkey, with hints of butter and sage. The smells wrap around the property like a memory.

Ten days.

It feels impossible. The days blurred and mixed together.

I walked farther than I meant to, I was just looking to clear my head before I needed to plaster a smile on my face. The field slopes gently downward toward the creek that edges this side ofthe property, grass turning pale and brittle with the season. The sky is bright, painfully blue.

Too beautiful.

Everything is too beautiful for what is happening.

I stop when my chest tightens. It doesn’t feel like panic. Just… pressure. Like grief has a physical weight. I press my hands against my face and breathe out slowly. I thought that maybe after my incident screaming in the field a few days ago might have helped. Thought maybe after I let the sound rip out of me, the feeling would follow. Like a pressure valve releasing everything I have been bottling up. It didn’t. Now it just sits there. Heavy and waiting.

“You keep disappearing out here.”

Cole’s voice comes from behind me. I don’t turn around immediately. I don’t want him to see my face yet. His boots crunch through the grass as he walks closer.

“Sadie sent me,” he adds.

I wipe under my eyes quickly before turning. Cole looks worse today. His scruff is a little more unkept than usual, his eyes tired in a way sleep can’t fix. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket and looks out over the field beside me. We stood there for a minute without speaking. The wind moving through the grass in soft waves, I close my eyes and let the feeling of it dancing through my hair soothe me.

Finally he exhales, saying, “She’s excited about today,”

I nod. “I know.”

“She’s been talking about how much pie and stuffing she can realistically eat since six this morning.”