Page 101 of The Song We Lost

I need…

I stumble outside and the night hits me like a slap. Quiet compared to the club.

My hands shake.

My head swims.

I want to go home.

I want Thanksgiving at my parents’ table, Mom fussing, Dad getting everyone to try his newest experiment, Noah making jokes, Bailey sitting beside me with her knee pressed against mine under the table like a secret promise.

We always spent holidays together.

Even before Bailey’s parents died.

They were my family before the world ever knew my name.

I swallow hard.

Maybe I should go home.

Maybe I should show up.

Maybe…

I don’t even have my phone.

I walk without knowing where I am going.

I blink and I am somewhere else… a different time.

Our last thanksgiving at home, we were both 17.

Standing in the hallway of my old family home watching Bailey roll out dough, my mom teaching her how to make pie. An old country music station was playing the Judds.

Bailey is smiling singing to my mom using the rolling pin as a microphone;

I remember feeling so warm, happy, so in love.

People tell you you can’t know that young.

But I did.

I remember seeing my entire future with her at that moment.

I remember smiling so wide it hurt and then walking into the kitchen because even standing that close, it wasn’t close enough to her.

A wave of dizziness hits me and I stop, blink and notice I am outside of the studio.

Like maybe my body brought me here for a reason.

Like if I can just find Dave, get my phone, call Bailey…

Everything will shift.

Everything will…

The studio is mostly empty, a few people still inside, cleaning up, talking quietly.