I loosen the tight grip I have on my mind and the emotions my Chaos is dragging through me.
Neither is sharp nor frantic like I assumed they would be. They’re just…a lot. And so damn familiar.
The initial flare of fear-induced anger at all the decisions made for us. The instinctive search for an escape or a place to run. Denial and refusal. The spiral of overthinking follows. Every possible outcome, every responsibility piled on at once.
Until, finally, acceptance settles in, heavy but inevitable.
My Chaos stirs, spinning this repetitive cycle of emotions that I’ve experienced more times than I can count. These feelings linger out of habit and take up far too much mental space long after I should’ve let them go.
I’m doing nothing but upsetting myself by letting them continue to bother me after I’ve addressed them.
Come on, Thayla. You have got to do better.
Another thought follows that one, and a snort sneaks out of my lips. Instead of silencing it, I let an unhinged bark of laughter burst free.
With it, I set my Chaos free.
My eyes fly open when the sound of rushing water breaks my concentration. Waves crash back and forth through the hot spring until they slowly but surely level out. So do my tense shoulders.
“Well, I suppose causing waves in water is so much better than destroying my bathroom.”
Seismet’s body shakes from his silent laughter.
“How do you feel?”
“Lighter.”
“I bet. With all that cackling you were doing, I was afraid for a moment you might have snapped.”
“Very funny. No, I had a thought, and then that thought led to a realization about myself that I can laugh at rather than cry about.”
“And that was?”
“I’m a complainer, not a quitter. Nine times out of ten, I’m going to bitch about whatever we have to do, then cycle through the same pointless emotions. Then I’m going to get it done. All you men in my life will just have to tolerate the erratic emotions and attitude.”
“Tolerate isn’t the right word. We wouldn’t have you any other way.”
I give him a sweet smile as I lean my forehead to his. “Thank you, Seismet. This was exactly what I needed.”
“You’re most welcome. This is what I’m here for.”
“If you knew this was going to work, why haven’t you told me to do this before?”
The switch from sweet to sassy in my tone causes his laugh to vibrate my mind.
“I do believe Riven has explained to you how you will refuel your Chaos, but I could sense how imbalanced you and your power were this morning. It may be easier to use one specific power to recharge the rest, but you can’t do that forever.
“All your powers need their own attention to keep all of you level. You have to remember, you and your powers aren’t separate. They’re a part of your very being. You must take care of your being.”
Huh. Riven definitely told me he believed I’d need to sit with my emotions alone to recharge, refuel, feed—whatever we want to call it.
It makes a lot of sense now, actually.
Sorry, Seduction. Looks like you’ll have to sit out a few rounds.
A crack of a limb echoes behind me, but before I can peer over my shoulder, a teasing hand wraps around my jaw. The man of my thoughts tilts my head back until I’m staring into his eyes.
“Sweet release, little burden. I felt it down to my di—”
