A very short time ago, they were two living, breathing people.
Who drugged and kidnapped you.
Under duress.
The justification flashes through my mind, unasked for, and my stomach twists.
If you—correction—your power hadn’t done this, though, would Amick even have physical proof of their deaths?
Let’s be honest, if you had never pissed Harriseen off…
I shove the thought from my mind and command my power to sense the barrier we created. It stays locked in place at my fingertips.
I try again, more forcefully this time. My power hums, restless under my skin, but it won’t move.
Come on, Boundaries. Don’t be a dick.
Fix what we did.
The longer my gaze roams across the perfect impressions of their bodies, the more my mind wars with me, and my power doesn’t listen. My frustration at its reluctance to comply and just do as I command it to intensifies with every passing second.
“Your mind, more importantly, what you haven’t accepted, is blocking your power.”
My eyes snap from the Attendant on my left to Iric, who’s moved to stand behind Yemi. He isn’t talking to her, though. That’s clear as fucking day as his steady gaze stays on mine.
“You need to face feelings with facts, and the facts are that they kidnapped and drugged you and Yemi because Harriseen threatened them. He put them in this position, and one way or another, he would’ve killed them. That was his decision.
“In our lifetimes as gods, we can decide to die fighting for what we believe is right and wrong, or we can comply. Many of us have already been placed in that predicament, and we each chose to fight for what we thought was right. These men also had decisions. They knew who you were and they could’ve run to Amick for help. Instead, they chose to give up and comply.”
“That’s easier said than done when your life is on the line. We all want to choose survival. They were probably scared shitless and that’s what they thought they were choosing,” I argue.
“I’m not saying they weren’t afraid. Fear explains their choice, but it doesn’t erase it. You’re too focused ontheirchoices, but that isn’t what’s stopping your power from listening to you right now.”
My pulse stutters as his power surrounds me. “Then what is?”
“Your back and forth over being both angry at these men, while also feeling responsible for their deaths and what came after.”
His hands motion toward their prune, preserved forms and I grunt.
“They did die because Harriseen wanted me out of the way.”
“Yes,” he agrees immediately. “But what about that is your fault? Because you didn’t bend to his every command? He didn’t kill them because of you. He killed them becausetheyjeopardized exposing his truth. You didn’t force his hand.Neither you nor they were the first he tried to silence, and you wouldn’t have been the last if he were still alive.”
My throat tightens as the silence hums between us. Yemi’s eyes soften when I meet them for a fleeting second.
Iric’s are just as steady and calm as they have been, but they’re glowing bluer than I’ve ever seen before.
“You didn’t create his violence. You’ve revealed it, clear as day, and your power is resisting because you’re asking it to accept a lie. Your mind is convinced you and your power played a part in these men’s deaths and created a disruption in the natural order of death. It didn’t. Your power reacted the way it was built to by creating distance between you and the threat they posed at the time.”
My mouth opens and closes repeatedly. “It still feels like their blood’s on my hands, and like I’ve created more of a problem for Amick.”
“Of course it does,” he says. “You’re empathetic despite the fact you try to pretend that you aren’t.”
My breath shudders and my fingers tremble.
Empathetic.
The word scrapes uncomfortably deep, dredging up shit I’d rather not acknowledge. Like how I now know, not only did others twist my empathy, but I, myself, did as well.
