The floodgates open, and I can’t stop it.
He leans his forehead to mine and grips the back of my neck. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling right now. He never had the greatest relationship with his parents, but he loved them. He loves Laney even more and he knows what they mean to her.
I weep with him.
We tried tirelessly to keep her from being exposed to any major hardships that would warp her innocent view of the realm. She’d learn it wasn’t all sunshine and wildflowers once she was older.
I hid the horrors that were being done to me from her as best as I could. I softened any explanation I gave her about the situation with my own parents. I was honest, but careful, answering any and all curious questions she had.
Lambrit and I made sure to keep her childhood, a childhood.
I projected.
I wanted to break the cycle of feeling abandoned with her. That day I stood on the platform before the Volreen, I knew I’d failed at that then.
I thought leaving her to come here was the hardest experience she’d face in her earlier years, but she’s a strong-spirited little girl. I knew she’d pull through.
This…this is going to change her irrevocably.
This will plant a seed of rage like she’s never experienced.
I never wanted her to grow up and be like me.
Now, because of me, and just like me, her trauma is going to force her to be strong.
Kyzen
33
I roll my shoulders out and crack my neck as I take a deep breath of fresh morning air.
It does nothing for the tension and lingering ache from catching a two-hour nap in a chair.
Last night was pure hell.
There’s no other way to put it.
Thayla, Lambrit, and Laney broke down for a long, long time. Their tears didn’t stop until Laney finally fell asleep, curled into them like if she let go, she’d disappear too.
I drag a hand down my face as my mind replays that moment last night. Laney’s soft calls for her momma, Lambrit’s mumbled denials, and Thayla’s constant apologies.
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.
They got her comfortable on his couch while Riven and Amick ran home and got us all clothes to change into. Once we were outof our bloodstained armor and settled around his kitchen table, something in him shifted.
He immediately demanded answers.
From start to finish, he wanted every moment. Every detail. Every second we were there and every second we weren’t. Thayla obliged…to an extent.
She left some very crucial details out.
I’ve always seen similarities between him and Amick, but last night made it clear just how different they really are. Where my brother shuts down and disappears into his own head, Lambrit…
He needed to talk everything out, create a step-by-step plan of what happens next. He wanted everyone’s input, reassurance, and support. He even sent a letter to Ellian asking him to come to his house.
Within minutes, he showed up, expressing his deepest condolences. Lambrit did thank him, but then he jumped right back into figuring out everything. He needed to know if Laney would be able to stay with him, what his restrictions are on planning his parents’ funeral, clearing out their house, getting his sister’s things. I mean, he literally thought of everything.
It’s almost as if, to him, if he can understand it well enough, he can undo it.
