“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Everything’s—”
“Get out.”
I halt my steps as he holds his trembling hands by his sides. His blood smears down his pants since he put on a pair that has no pockets.
“I’m not going—”
“Please, Thayla. Get out.”
The navy and light blue rings in his eyes shatter like the waves of the Lost Sea breaking against the cliff. There’s so much shame, guilt, and pain reflected at me. My heart twists uncomfortably.
“No.”
“No?”
“I said no. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you in here alone.”
“I don’t want you to see me like this. Go.”
Blood speckles the wall as he throws his hand out toward the door. The room falls into a haunting echo of our heavy breaths and his muttered curses.
He backpedals away as I move toward him. I slap his palm away when he holds it up in front of me as if that’s going to stop me.
My mouth collides with his and he freezes. Deadly still.
I roam my hands over his body, stroke his soul, and continue to lay kisses on his lips. If he can’t find something to hold on to, to pull himself out of this, then I’ll give him something to hold.
My arms wrap around his neck as I jump up, not giving him the option but to either catch me or we both hit the ground.
He will hold me. All of me. Just as he vowed he would.
Once again, I find myself pinned against a wall.
The tremors vibrating his body pass through me with every stroke of his tongue. His movements—touches—are frantic like he’s desperate to make sure I’m really here.
He finally pulls back, leaving me panting for breath as he lays his head in the crook of my neck. His pulse thunders erratically. Its tempo beats across every surface our bodies touch.
“I didn’t…I don’t want you to see me break like this, little goddess. I’m not in my right mind right now. You can’t be around me.”
My hands glide across his skin until I have his cheeks cupped in my palms.
“I can and I will. What was it you said to me?” My thumbs trace the bags under his eyes. “One thing I will never feel guilty about is protecting you. Whether that’s mentally, emotionally, or physically. I will step in. I will confront whoever I have to. Even if it’s you. I’ll protect you from yourself if need be.
“I’ve been walking around for days feeling like shit for pushing all of you to talk to me. I feel even shittier right now lookingat you. I should’ve pushed more. I won’t feel guilty about it anymore.”
“Our emotions and reactions aren’t your responsibility to manage. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all.”
“You’re right, to an extent. I don’t think they’re my responsibility unless I’m the direct cause of them. You’re all big boys, but the four of you mean a lot to me and if I can help you through whatever you’re going through, I’m going to. I shouldn’t have let you all bury your heads in the sand and avoid me.
“That bothered me and I should’ve called your asses out about it before now rather than let you hide away in your rooms. The hiding ends now. I’m not going to sit here and force you all to open up completely to me, but this whole shutting me out entirely needs to stop. I can’t take it any longer.”
His chest heaves as he tilts his head back and closes his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Thayla. That wasn’t my intention by any means. I just—I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I’m there, not here. I can’t think straight. I don’t even…”
His shattered gaze pins me more firmly to the wall than his grip.
