My arms wrap around his neck for balance as he practically jumps out of the bath. He doesn’t say a word as he stomps into my room.
His skin vibrates beneath my fingers as he just…paces.
The erratic beat of his heart pounds against my ribcage and my soul frantically tries to reach for his.
The path he’s creating in front of my fireplace makes my eyes go crossed, but each time I try to push myself off his chest, he grips me tighter.
Minutes pass without a word spoken between us.
His breathing finally slows down as he walks us into my closet and sets me on my feet.
I force my gaze to stay focused on his face rather than travel his very naked body. It isn’t that hard to accomplish, though, when he starts slinging my clothes around.
I open my mouth to ask him what he’s looking for, but the deadly glare he shoots my way shuts me up immediately.
With an oversized T-shirt clenched in his fist, he spins me around, strips my wet underwear and bra off in a split second, then snatches the shirt over my head.
I’m so dizzy from his quick movements, I wobble.
He lifts me just as fast and marches out of the closet. With every step he takes, our surroundings change a little.
All the lights go out, but the fireplace blazes to life. Half the curtains close, while the other stays open, revealing a small shred of moonlight.
Well, I sure didn’t know giving him permission in here gives him permission to command my shit…
I don’t make any sudden moves or say anything as he gets us situated in my bed with him lying on his back and me cuddled into his side.
My nearly naked body is painfully aware that he’s completely unclothed still.
“Continue.”
“Riven, I don’t think—”
“I said continue. Right from where you left off.”
My breath fans across my fingers that are drawing circles on his chest.
“The list can go on and on. It might take me as many years to admit it all as it took to happen. My worst of the worst, though, may very well be what I’ve already admitted. The four of you make me feel stupid sometimes and that isn’t a slur or slander against any of you, but myself.”
I pinch my eyes closed as the familiar shame washes over me. I don’t believe I’ll ever grow used to this sickening feeling.
“It’s not that I didn’t realize the things happening to me were bad, because I did. I wasn’t that blind. It hasn’t been until coming here, living with the four of you, though, that I realized I’ve done and said some of the same things to you that I said to them. The reactions have been so vastly and painstakingly different, I’ve had no choice but to face the facts.
“I was accepting their abuse because I believed I was at fault and was getting what I deserved. I knew better than to push them. I knew what my actions and words could bring me, yet that didn’t stop me. Maybe I did deserve some things. Maybe there were times I went too far. What’s even worse is now I play mind games with myself. I’ll remember something they did, and my first reaction is to break down what I did that caused it so I don’t repeat it with one of you.”
Like I’ve been doing by pushing someone, anyone, to talk to me over the last four days.
It’s going to eventually get my ass cussed out.
“Even now, after everything, I mentally defend them and belittle myself. I still don’t know what the worst thing they’ve ever done to me is because I can’t separate their reaction from my own. I am my own worst, Riven.”
“No.”
“What do you—”
“I said no. Fuck no. Take it back right now. You’re not the worst anything. You are the best little burden to ever fly into my life. I will gut them in their sleep—never mind I want them awake—then I’ll bring you their hearts.”
My neck cranes back until I can peer into his eyes. A small, admittedly, watery smile crosses my lips as I cup his cheek and make him glance down at me.
