For now, it’s fine, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this.
I’ve always loathed when someone pushed me to talk about stuff. It’s easier when it’s one of them but even some subjects have still been too difficult for me to open up about.
That’s the main reason I’ve given up my fight so fast over these last few days. I don’t know if I’m holding on firm to the belief that they’ll eventually talk on their own or I’m waiting for them to shove it down enough that we go back to normal.
I don’t really want them to shove it down, though.
I want them to feel safe enough to tell me how this has affected them. I don’t know how to communicate that, though,without it coming across like I’m picking a fight or pushing them past their limit.
“Ugh, come on, Thayla. Get it together.”
“It is together. My power is doing absolutely nothing at the moment.”
“I’m aware it isn’t your power. Why did you come in here, infecting the serene space with your gloomy emotions?”
Water splashes all over the bathroom floor as I jump from the built-in seat. The waves cascade so high they slap him in the face and against my thighs.
I turn from him as quickly as possible so he doesn’t see the furious tears building in my eyes.
“So fucking sorry for disturbing your peace, Riven. I’ll go enjoy my own company on the gods damn couch.”
My foot doesn’t make it over the edge before I’m snatched back and positioned on his lap.
His fingers grip my jaw as he pulls my face close to his.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I grit out.
“For how shitty that was and sounded. I said it so you’d leave, then instantly regretted it. I don’t want you to go, but I don’t want my Harmony in control either. I’m not ready for it to come back out, Thayla.”
The sincerity and plea in his tone have me exhaling sharply through my nose.
“Other than me being pissed at you for what you did, is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“I haven’t been—”
“You have been avoiding me. Everyone’s been avoiding me.”
“We aren’t avoiding you. We’re avoiding addressing what happened.”
“Yeah, and shutting me out in the process.”
“We aren’t trying to. We just don’t want to express and relive all our fears and worries.”
“Then why the fuck have you all had me do that? You all have made me open up about things I could’ve kept shoved down. Yeah, Amick, Kyzen, and Creed have been forthcoming about some of the things they’ve been through, but not a single one of you will even speak on this.
“It was like we all exploded on you for what you did, you apologized and claimed it had to be done or your power wouldn’t have pushed you. Then the next morning, the responsibility was placed on Amick to figure out something to do with the Binding. Now, you all tiptoe around me, completely avoiding any other conversation. Am I not worthy enough to hear your fears? Do you all not trust me with knowing them and protecting you from them? Is that it?”
“Don’t even think like that.”
“Then what the hell am I supposed to think like, Riven? That’s the only conclusion I can come to after four days of the silent treatment. None of you think I can handle what’s weighing on you.”
“Maybe we don’t know how to talk to you about this. Maybe we don’t even know how to share it with each other because we never have. Maybe we’re afraid if we tell you the crazy taking place in our minds right now it’ll scare you.”
“Oh my gods, stop with the damn maybes. You don’t think there’s crazy shit running through my overwhelming thoughts?”
The rapid rise and fall of his chest slow as he tugs me closer to his body.
