“That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. Do you feel comfortable explaining the emotion to me?”
My body falls still as my mind unravels the words I want to say.
I usually have an explanation for everything.
That…sensation, I’m not so sure.
“Much like her, it arrives without warning. Unignorable, but it doesn’t demand my attention, although it steals it anyway.”
I rub at my heart. Right where I feel it the strongest.
“When it touches my soul, everything slows. My thoughts align, then settle into a silence any other time they’d refuse to.”
He nods. “Is it comforting?”
“It is,” I answer, then exhale. “It feels like being recognized. As though some essential part of me—one I didn’t realize was obscured—has been seen and accepted without examination or scrutiny. There’s no expectation attached to it. No demand that I be more or less than I am.”
I swallow as for some reason, my throat clogs and tightens unbearably.
“It carries warmth but not heat. Pressure but not pain. It fills spaces I didn’t know were empty. When it fades, I’m unpleasantly aware of the absence immediately. I continue to function, but I’m not as pleased.”
His voice turns gentle. “Do you like that feeling?”
“That’s the real difficulty,” I respond as quietly as he asked. “I want nothing except for it to continue, but I don’t know how to express that to her. How do you say, whatever that sensation is that you’re sending me makes me feel like I’m a vast archive and you’re the book that completes the entire catalog? Without her, the whole structure falls to ruin.”
He tears his gaze from mine and a cold chill races across my body. I don’t know if I said something wrong, but a wash of something rolls over me.
“Did I—”
“You couldn’t have explained it better, Amick.” My breath rushes out of me and that shiver immediately leaves me. “I’m working on a surprise for Thayla, and I’d like to include you, Creed, and Riven. If you want, I’ll explain the surprise and what the emotion is that you’re describing to me.”
My head is bobbing before my acceptance even crosses my mind.
I sit still, listening and absorbing the lesson he’s teaching me with more concentration than I’ve ever given any other lesson in my life.
The more he talks, the harder my heart pounds and the more difficult it becomes to keep my soul from reaching out to Thayla.
Mysenta.
If I could control time, I’d fast-forward it to the moment he has planned for us.
He included me in this.
He thought about all of us.
Creed, Riven, and I may do many different things for our Binder, but something of this magnitude, this perfect…We never would’ve accomplished this without him.
“All of that sounds good to you? Do you have any questions?” I shake my head and he smiles brightly. “Good. I’ll leave you to it then so you can get her notes together. We’ll see you this afternoon.”
He rises from the chair, and my mouth opens and closes repeatedly. I’m lost for words but desperately want to say something to him.
“Kyzen.” I force his name through my choked throat by the time he reaches the door. “Thank you. For all that you do.”
He winks, hiding his own sentiment so he doesn’t make me feel embarrassed.
“Anytime.”
Thayla
