She shakes her hands out repeatedly with her steps, and her mumbled words barely reach my ears.
I’ve never seen her so anxious.
And hell, we were trapped in…well, hell together. Not to mention the shit in the Abandon.
“Yemi.”
“I can’t do this. I can’t be…I’m not supposed to be this.”
I put my palms up and take a step toward her but freeze as she winces.
“Slow down for me.”
“I can’t slow down! This isn’t right.”
Her shout shocks me still and my eyes grow comically wide. Chest heaving and shoulders shaking, she tries tirelessly to get her breathing under control, but it isn’t working.
“Okay. I’m here. What do you need?”
I inch forward. When she doesn’t backpedal or warn me off again, I take another step.
“I don’t…this isn’t right.”
“What isn’t right?”
“This whole situation. This Pairing. I’m not meant to be their or anyone’s Binder, Thayla.”
My head tilts to the side, and my forehead wrinkles as she runs her hands up and down her body like that’s supposed to give me an answer.
Obviously, my face shows my confusion. She groans as she pulls at her roots.
“Sevryn is the son of the God of Pain. One of the most powerful Domain Gods in this realm. Dorenisa Domain God. I don’t know what Nero and Iric are, but judging by the energy that was wafting off them, they aren’t lacking in power. I’m…I’m just me. An Attendant. I’m not meant to have a Valtrue, much less be a Binder.”
My heart and undoubtedly the look on my face fracture.
“Yemi.”
“Don’t fucking Yemi me, Thayla.”
I bite my lip to keep from talking. That’s literally what I’d yell at her if the situation were reversed.
Gods…I know exactly what she’s feeling right now.
It’s a painful reminder.
“Once upon a time, I was just Thayla. The only female in a training arena with nineteen men who kicked my ass daily. Then I was the ignorant Oddian girl who popped off to the High Chancellor. Then I was the little troublling who got her soul split in the Gods Veil.”
I suck in a deep breath as I stand in front of her, halting the pacing she’s picked back up. My hands grip her biceps to stop her movements.
“Then…I was a Binder to a very feared but misunderstood Valtrue. Then so much fucking more. At every new stage since my arrival here, I’ve battled internally with the thoughts that I’m not enough for them or for whatever it is this realm needs from me.
“I’m not supposed to be this. I’m foul-mouthed, hot-headed, lack patience, still lack the ability to control all my power, and Valories, the list of my flaws could go on. This isn’t supposed to be happening to me. Yet it is and I can’t stop it.
“Sometimes I don’t know if I want to, then sometimes I drift into my mind and think up all kinds of ways to run away. It’s truly a mind fuck because deep down I know good and well I’m enough. My Valtrue and this realm are lucky they have me.”
The tremble in her lip stops as an unexpected snort escapes her. I give her a small smile and carry on.
“Really, though, I have plenty of insecurities that I’m very good at keeping buried down deep. While yes, to an extent, I have complete confidence in myself and my relationships, I still have a daunting past that’s been sending me little reminders here lately that throw me right back into my self-doubt. I question everything in those moments.”
