Her Abandon.
Her Abandon.
The words repeat in my mind. The anger brews deep in my belly with the scenarios I create. They’re far worse than her reason for being afraid of the dark.
I shake my head and spin from facing our door before I charge in there and make her tell me every single thing that’s ever happened to her.
I knew with what she had shared with me, those two fuck heads made her life hell. Honestly, that’s why I snapped as quickly as I did. I’ve wanted an excuse to lay my fist against one of their faces—kill them really. I’d love to end their lives, then gift her their heads—but the opportunity hasn’t risen since we don’t go to the Court anymore.
Creed and Amick sit together quietly at the table just as the carriage starts moving. My eyes search the rest of our small new home away from home, searching for my newest friend.
I don’t find him by his love petal, so I make my way down the small hall that’ll lead to their room. His door is open, so I just make my way in.
He picks his head up out of the notebook he’s scribbling in and gives me a small tilt of his lips.
“What’s up, Riv?”
“Are you as upset as Thayla is about being here?”
His eyes blink repeatedly as a harsh breath falls from his lips. He sets his notebook beside him and stares at me.
“The only reason I have to be upset is I miss my little sister, as does Thayla. Laney loves Thayla more than she even loves me and Laney was the version of the little girl Thayla wished she could’ve been. That piles onto what she’s already feeling.”
Damn, I didn’t even know he had a sister.
“So you think when we leave here, she’ll be fine?”
He tightens his lips. “Can I be very open and honest with you? And it not upset you?”
“You can’t upset me, Lam-man.”
“Okay then.” He stands, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You, for some reason, have a fear of opening up to Thayla, on any level past surface. While she searches desperately for an opening to get to know you. She searches the silence in the Athenaeum for you. Did you know that? When it gets too quiet, too concentrated, she’ll stare off, straining her ears to hear your laugh. It’s not for fear of being pranked or you scaring her. She’s waiting for you to show.
“You’re afraid she’ll reject you or change you. Make you be a different version of who you are. When the reality is, both your side of chaos and harmony are two sides she wants to match equally. She wants someone who will see her at her most unhinged and not judge her, like all the beings of this region have done honestly for longer than the past year. She also wants someone who can just soothe her when she’s scared. Your brothers could do that, yes, and to some degree they already do, but that’s learned behavior on their parts. For you, it’s natural. It’s a part of you.
“She already cares for you tremendously and I think you’re too afraid to acknowledge it. She’s waiting patiently for you to see it, but you’re going to continue to push and pull her, Riven, and eventually, she’s going to cut the thread between the two of you. She’s going to allow the cold and empty place inside of her to come to the surface once she’s pushed too far. When she reaches for that place with you, there’s no crawling out of it. I’ve waited and waited, patiently, for her to reach that place with Mellcom and Jeremiah.
“It took us being Chosen for her to reach it and I’m eternally grateful it finally happened. I don’t want her to reach that with you. You don’t have to spill your guts out to her in one minute. You don’t have to make it a joke or an opportunity to tease and make her laugh. It can be serious, even if it’s small, but it needs to be serious.
“You just have to give her something to understand and she will. She’ll take that tiny piece of knowledge and protect it until you’re ready to give her more, but you have to tell her that. Tell her where you stand with her and ask for time. She’ll give it to you without judgment or fear. I swear to you she will.”
He doesn’t give me a second to respond to his long-winded speech. His hand grips my shoulder as he walks by me, leaving me standing dumbfounded and pissy in his room.
I lied.
Lam-man can, in fact, upset me.
I pull on my roots, begging for the words to get out of my head.
Kyzen’s words sent me spiraling already. From that moment, my harmony locked onto me hard, and it wasn’t going to be satisfied until I had her in my arms.
I wanted to be more open in the cave when she couldn’t see me, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I felt her fear like it was an extension of my own and I could only think straight enough to focus on one of us.
Lambrit’s talk, though, hits harder. I’ve been lectured by my brother my entire life. Being lectured by the best friend of the woman I’m obsessed with is difficult to ignore.
I hate that I know he’s right.
I hate it even more that I don’t know how to go about doing what he just told me to do.
