When the right words wouldn’t come, he simply looked at her. She held his gaze for a long moment, and for a brief instant, she looked so much younger, every bit the woman who raised him and taught him right from wrong. Then, her eyes closed again, slowly and deliberately.
The rise and fall of her chest were faint. He watched as they faded, saw her exhale her last breath, and when her fingers went slack in his, he knew that she was gone.
Just like that, she’s nae longer here, and all it took was a second.
He didn’t know how much time had passed that he wasunable to lift himself to his feet. It was almost as if his mind refused to accept that she could be gone, that he had heard her last words. There was so much he hadn’t had the chance to say. And, even if he knew she wouldn’t hear it, he reached out for the ability to speak.
Gradually, grief started to settle into his chest. It was cold and suffocating. He had felt it before, after Agnes was born. Now, it was much harder to endure. A black hole opened, pulling all his rational thoughts into the abyss of his mind.
Before the icy tendrils could dig into him any deeper, Liam reluctantly let go of her hand and stood. The longer he stayed here, the more vulnerable he would become. As the head of the clan, he couldn’t afford to show weakness. With each step away from her, the feeling shifted. By the time he reached the door, his stomach burned with an anger that had nowhere to go.
“Liam.”
Liam grimaced, dreading the sound of Katherine’s voice as it was the last thing he wanted to hear. He couldn’t even look at her; it was almost too much to bear. Cillian stood next to her, his hand resting on her shoulder as if to keep her standing.
“Liam, I?—”
“That’s enough,” he said, sharp and cutting. It echoed off the walls, and Katherine took a step back as though she’d been struck. “I daenae need yer sympathy.”
Before either of them could say anything else, Liam pushed past both of them. He stomped down the hallway toward his chambers, each footfall heavier than the last. The sound of his heels hitting the stone and bouncing off the walls gave him something steady to focus on.
If I stop movin’, if I start thinkin’, there’s nae tellin’ what I’ll do.
Chapter Sixteen
“Lady Katherine,” Cillian said sharply as she pushed herself free from his grasp. He took a few steps after her, not letting her get too far away. “He is better left alone for now. Give him time.”
“Nay,” Katherine said, her voice barely above a whisper as she hurried down the corridor after Liam. She didn’t look back, ignoring Cillian’s protests. He wasn’t looking at the emotional aspect of the loss that Liam had just suffered. Even though there was no one nearby to hear her any longer, she spoke aloud. “I ken grief.”
Liam’s outburst didn’t surprise her in the slightest. He didn’t seem like the type of man who could handle emotions other than anger and annoyance. Even with his own daughter, warmth didn’t come easily though he did try. Admittedly, Katherine had to prompt him to interact with her more positively.
That doesnae mean that he should suffer through this alone. Nae one should have to navigate this on their own.
The corridors were empty, with most of the castle’s inhabitants in their chambers and asleep. She only passed by two servants being led down the hallway by the castle’s healer; the three of them were engaged in a tense conversation she couldn’t hear. It wasn’t difficult to guess the subject matter.
The hour was far too late for anyone else to be awake.
A few minutes later, she arrived outside of Liam’s quarters, the one he’d been staying in rather than their shared chambers. The door was hanging half-open, almost as if he’d attempted to slam it closed and it bounced away from the lock. She paused, watching as he paced, picking things up and putting them down with force that bordered on excessive. There were already broken objects strewn in the corners of the room.
Of course, he’s lookin’ for an outlet. This is nae surprisin’. I just hope he doesnae turn his anger towards me.
She took a deep breath, steadying herself before entering the room. His outburst of anger and frustration wouldn’t deter her. At first, he didn’t seem to notice her presence, grabbing a book and flipping through its pages before throwing it onto the floor. When he turned, the fire in his eyes burned even brighter, and his entire body coiled. She raised her hands in front of her, palms open to show she wasn’t a threat.
Her heart pounded wildly in her chest as he stared at her. For a moment, time seemed to stop. She wasn’t sure what would happen, and a part of her brain seemed to scream at her to run, but she refused to listen, even if it felt like instinctual self-preservation.
“Ye are too bold,” he snapped, his hands curling into fists at his sides. He stalked forward, clearly trying to frighten her. “What makes ye think that ye can just walk in here uninvited? Do ye nae understand that I daenae want ye here?”
The statement stung, coming down like a hard slap against her cheek. Katherine didn’t back down though, not letting Liam intimidate her out of the room. Lady Agnes had said that he wouldn’t touch her, and she truly believed that. Raising her chin defiantly, Katharine said, “I willnae sit by as ye allow this to harden ye into somethin’ ye arenae.”
“How do ye ken that I will become somethin’ I am nae?” he challenged, taking another step toward her. His chest rose and fell sharply. The curve of his mouth was severe and pinched. “Ye daenae ken me mind well enough. I could already be somethin’ that ye believe I amnae.”
“It’s nae because I daenae wish to ken yer mind,” Katherine said softly, refusing to let him get under her skin. “It is because ye willnae allow it.”
He’s hurtin’. He’s hurtin’ so much more than he’s lettin’ me see.
“Ye would be better off if ye stopped pokin’ around,” he said, making himself seem even larger. His shoulders were squared, and it was almost as if he became taller. He was using his massive size against her as if he could make her run. Even though he towered over her, she didn’t move away. She couldn’t. “Ye’re nae here to advise me. Ye are here to give me daughter lessons.”
Katherine stepped closer, her heart clenching. She could see his pain. It went much deeper than just the loss of his grandmother. That was simply the event that broke him. Whatever else he had swirling in his heart was compounding, growing heavier, more difficult to ignore.
