My jaw clenches as I rip my eyes away from the road to look at her again. She’s not turned to the window anymore, but her face is as white as a ghost. I squeeze the hand I’ve kept in mine, and even though she’s never tried to withdraw it from my grasp, she doesn’t squeeze me back. She blinks passively, staring straight in front of her.
“I was never gonna sell you. That was just talk.”
“Right,” she says again. “Talk. Doesn’t mean anything.”
“Exactly.”
“Talk. Just to hurt me. I should’ve known.”
“No—yes.” I click my tongue in impatience, because I guess it’s true, in a way. I entered the bar with the intention of hurting her. But by the time I’d come up with the selling thing, the only thing on my mind was getting away from Coltello.
Still, I don’t want her to think of me as the kind of guy who needs to use his tongue to overpower another guy, rather than his fists. “You fucking drugged me, Lia. You can’t blame me for being a little pissed off.”
She nods slowly, and starts to turn back to the window.
“Wait. Wait, Lia.”
She pauses, and my brain kicks into high gear, trying tofigure out what to say to break through her shell. Trying to figure out why I care so much.
I could just force her. Shove her into my lap again, kiss her, claim her. Who cares if her heart is switched off to me, as long as her body’s mine?
But it feels wrong.
“Are you in pain?” I ask at last.
She shrugs. “It’s fine.”
“As soon as we’re far away enough, we’ll stop and I’ll hunt up some antiseptic. You took a nasty punch.”
“I said, it’s fine,” she insists, her voice hard.
The image of her thrusting her hands up to shield herself after she’d insulted me suddenly worms its way into my mind. “You know I’d never do that to you, right? I’d never punch you.”
Her lips twist into a tiny smirk. “Sure. You’d never hit me. Never sell me. Never take me back to my husband. Of course you wouldn’t. I’m such an idiot for believing the words that come out your mouth. Ofcourseyou’re fucking with me. Logan.” She looks at me for the first time. “I told you, it doesn’t matter. You can hit me if it makes you feel special. I’m used to much worse.”
“I’d never hit you,” I say, my voice strained. “The only time I… did, we used a safe word. And it wasn’t…thatkind of hitting. Was it?”
I can’t believe I’m asking her that, in a tone that sounds far too much like begging. Why the hell can’t I just fuckingtake? Why do I let her have so much power over me?
Then my stomach lurches when I suddenly wrap my head around the other thing she said. “What do you mean, much worse?” The image of her shielding herself twists back into my mind. “What do you mean, Lia?”
Again, she looks at me, but this time her expression isn’t neutral. I guess I reallydohave it in me to scare her, because she suddenly looks worried.
“Nothing,” she says quickly. “Nothing. Forget about it.”
My jaw is clenching so hard I wonder if it will snap. “No, tell me. You said before Carmelo sometimes hits you. But I didn’t think that meant… actual beatings?”
A third laugh, this one tinged with sarcasm. But it’s also more high-pitched than usual, and from the way her hands have fisted into balls in her lap, I can tell she’s nervous.
“What do you think, Logan? Has it really never occurred to you that the man who’s planning to kill me is violent? Why the hell do you think I’ve been running in the first place? Damien told you he was going to kill me. You’re bringing me back to him anyway.”
“I’mnotbringing you back to him,” I hiss.
This time, she throws her head back and lets out a real, long laugh. “Fuck, that’s good. Coltello is right. Youarehilarious.”
“Stop, Lia,” I growl. “Stop that right now, do you hear me? Stop!”
She grows sober again, but her eyes are mocking.
