“I mean… not like that.” He takes a deep breath. “Sometimes I get the feeling that something has happened to you. If I don’t know what it is, how can I make sure not to cross that line with you?”
“Well, I have a safe word,” I mumble, wishing the very painful, yet very sexy, paddling hadn’t devolved into this.
“Yes, but can I trust you with it? You’ve barely ever used it.”
“That’s because I don’t want to use it. If I wanted to, I would. Please, can we just… can you… I’ll lean against the boulder. It’s fine.”
“Lia…” His eyes gaze into mine. “Lia, tell me what happened. I know something happened to you. Please tell me what. Why are you so scared to tell me?”
I hesitate. I’m not entirely sure myself. It’s a mix of a lot of things, I guess. Even though I don’t really believe, anymore, that he would react to it like my father did, my father’s views on purity are so ingrained in me that I also can’t believe it wouldn’t changesomethings.
More importantly, though, is that I’ve started to understand what kind of man Logan is. He’s the kind of man who would go after Carmelo and gun him down if he ever found out what he did.
And if he kills Carmelo… he’ll die.
I just can’t lose him.
That’s the reason I keep my mouth shut, looking up at him resolutely.
“Nothing happened,” I lie. “I’ll lean against the boulder again. It’s my birthday, and I want my birthday spanking, Logan, so you’d better give it to me.”
He looks intently at me for what feels like an eternity, although it’s probably less than a minute. Then I can almost see him push aside his suspicions in slow motion, before his mouth flattens into a smirk.
“Come here, brat.”
He sits down on the ground and pulls me down over his lap. Then he brings one of his legs over my lower back, trapping me between them.
“Logan!” I giggle. “What are you doing?”
“Making sure you can’t move.” I whimper when I feel the wooden paddle rub against my cheeks. “That’s what you wanted, birthday girl, wasn’t it? You wanted me tomakeyou take it. And I’ll always do what my crybaby wants. Now, count to three—I’m gonna make ithurt.”
PART THREE
Two years later
37
Lia
September 9th.That’s the date today. The date I’ve been waiting for, for the past two years.
“C’mon, baby. Time to go!”
I zip up Aurora’s pretty pink dress, and fluff out her red curls. My memory of mamaí is growing more distant with every passing day, but I can remember her commenting about that—how redheads should never wear pink. Aurora looks sweet in her new pink frilly dress, though, and anyway, she’s the one who chose it.
Which surprised me, because she doesn’t usually care about clothes. In fact, in a lot of ways she’s the polar opposite of me. Fashion used to mean a whole lot to me. So did sports—I tried just about everything I could, and I loved my bike. But I’ve never seen such an uncoordinated, unbalanced girl as my daughter. Logan got her glasses, though I’m not sure how he managed, since the only town in the safety perimeter Everest and he set up when we first arrived doesn’t have an optician. Those glasses have done wonders for her sense of balance, but she’s still the biggest klutz I’ve ever seen.
She’smyklutz, and I love her to death. I love reading books to her, and snuggling under the covers and inventing spookystories together. Lately, she’s shown interest in letters and words, so I’ve been trying to teach her to read. But I was never that good in school, and I’m starting to get nervous about the fact that if we weren’t in hiding, she’d be starting kindergarten next year. I don’t think I have it in me to homeschool, but Logan’s never mentioned school. And he’s got enough on his mind; I don’t want to worry him with this.
I’ve noticed how preoccupied he is lately, and every day it seems to get worse. At first I was afraid he was sick of our isolation, that I wasn’t enough for him. Then I realized that he doesn’t consider this situation to be permanent; he never planned to hide forever. He’s working on something, and whatever thing he’s working on could allow us to one day live relatively normal lives again.
But I don’t know what a normal life is. I’d be perfectly happy living this one forever. Still, I guess I can’t possibly expect a man who spent three years hungrily seeking power to just… abandon it all overnight for me.
I have no idea what he’s planning, though, because he’s completely shut me out of it. It’s the one area of his life he’s not forthcoming about. All I know is that he has long conversations with Everest, who seems to be acting as the go-between for Damien. I don’t think Logan has spoken to Damien a single time in the past two years. From what I understand, they’ve cut off communication to keep each other safe.
Logan’s also taken drastic measures to keep me safe. Things often feel so normal that I forget we’re in hiding. And yet, even though both Logan and Dolores go to the town nearby, I’ve only been there a few times with Logan. I’ve never left the house alone.
For all my happiness, he’s never allowed me to forget what I am—his captive. I can’t leave the house, I don’t have money, or a say in most decisions. Any other person would probably go madat being so restricted.
