Rez
I don’t want to wake up. The burning behind my eyes is the only permanent feeling that stays long after I dry my tears. If I open my eyes and face what’s in front of me, it will be real. The connection I don’t feel, the hole in my heart…No. Not a hole, a deep abscess that has slowly swallowed what once was my reason for living after my mother died.Lynx. The Rebels killed Lynx.
This pain is even worse than the pain of finding my mother’s lifeless body. The weeks after the funeral all blurred together, but at least I had Lynx there with me. My rock, my best friend, my…mate!What does one do without the love of their mate? Do we wither and die along with the emptiness we so surely crave? What happens to us when the light that keeps us shining bright in the darkest of times dies?
Every part of me is slowly dying. Slowly wanting to collapse on and within itself, and maybe I was okay with that. I didn’t want to wake up and face the day, night, or whatever it was. I didn’t want to move on without him. A life without his witty comebacks, his erratic nature, his goofy personality is unfathomable. My life was nothing without him, there wasn’t a good moment I could think of that didn’t involve my best friend.
The first six years of my life didn’t exist without him. I barely remember my father, and the memories I do have are only because of the pictures mom had kept around the house. I remember everything where Lynx was involved. Like the first time he transformed into a boy.
So exhausted from playing and showing off all of my toys to Lynx, I passed out the night of my 10th birthday. I’d taken him to bed with me, but instead of letting him sleep on his side of the bed, I laid on top of the big oaf and was out cold.
The daylight coming through my soft pink curtains roused me from sleep, and I noticed a weight across my back. Rubbing my face along Lynx’s fur, I paused when I noticed there wasn’t fur, but skin. My eyes bolted open, and instead of my pet Lynx laying on the bed, a young boy was staring back at me.
“AHH,” I screamed and scrambled out of the bed, falling to the floor in a lump of covers.
“Rezzi-Bear, what's wrong?” A squeaky voice filled the room, and I snapped my mouth shut as the young boy sat up and looked over the bed. A mop of dirty blond, curly hair surrounded bright familiar turquoise eyes on a face I’d never seen before.
“Lynx?” I asked, tilting my head to get a better look at him.
“Yeah. Why ya looking at me like that?” he asked, returning my look, head tilt and all. “And why are you on the freaking floor?”
Unwrapping my legs out of the linen, I stood up on shaky legs and pointed at him. “You’re—you’re not a cat!”
“Pfft! Did you hit your head when you fell off the bed? Of course I’m a ca…” He looked down and noticed what I was pointing at. “Holy balls! I’m a boy! Does this mean I can see my peen?” He grabbed the sheet and pulled it up to peer down at his body. “It’s magnificent! Rezzi! Look!”
Turning my back as fast as I could, I screeched. “OMG, Lynx! No! Let me go get you some clothes,” I said, rushing out of my room and into the laundry room. Mom saved some old sweats that belonged to Dad, saying she had hoped he would come back one day. Grabbing some gray ones, I darted back to my room only to be stopped by mom.
“Hey, sweet pea, whatcha got there?” she asked with a smile. Excited to share the excitement of Lynx turning into a boy, I rambled off the news as fast as I could. I watched as her smile morphed into a frown, and she squatted down and pulled me up against her. “Now, sweetie. Lynx is just a cat. You know him being a boy is only a part of your imagination, just like when he talks back to you. That’s why we take you to see the doctor. Dr. Fisk is there to help you with your wild imagination.” Her tone wasn’t as calming as it usually was when she tried to remind me of this. She was practically begging me to understand her with my eyes.
“Okay, Mommy. I understand.” I pouted, losing the excitement I had just a moment ago.
“I love you, now go play while I fix breakfast,” she said, giving me a kiss on the head before walking into the kitchen.
Dragging my feet, I slowly walked back into my bedroom, and when I opened the door, I found Lynx shaking his ass in front of my mirror and watching his dangling appendage flop around.
“Urgh! Here!” I covered my eyes and threw the pants in his direction. “Cover up.” Figment of my imagination. Well, what else can I conjure up, I wonder?
“Rez, the nurse is here to get your vitals,” JP announces, pulling me from my memories, and it takes everything in me to hold back the sob. But the burning in my eyes as I open them and see the look on JP’s face tells me I’m doing a horrible job in that aspect.
“Tell them to go away,” I grumble, my voice cracking as I roll over and pull the covers over my face.
“Now, now, ma chérie. None of that.” JP rips off the covers, and the makeshift cave I buried myself in disappears in a blink of an eye. The miniscule amount of energy I have seeps out of me as quickly as the blanket disappears. Without a fight from me, JP gently scoops me up and carries me into the living room, giving me the first sight of it sincethatnight. It’s the first time I’ve been outside of JP’s room since he brought me here, and I take in the sight, my jaw dropping at seeing it bare.
Hearing a small ‘eww’ brings my attention to a Fae woman in teal scrubs standing in the kitchen. There’s a medical bag sitting open in front of her as she stares at the missing corner of the counter in disgust.
What happened?I wonder in awe, looking around our once beautiful room.
“We have no clue, but replacement furniture should be here any minute,” JP answers my thought.
Hearing JP’s voice, the nurse looks up and plasters a genuine smile on her face as we approach.
“Hello, Nerezza. I’m Lyrical. I’m one of the nurses that have been assigned to monitor you for a few days,” she says as JP places me on the barstool across from her. I try to force a smile but can’t find the energy or the willpower. Pulling at the oversized sweatshirt, I fidget in my seat and nearly jump out of my skin when there’s a knock on the door.
“It’s okay, it should be Dean Caldron to give us some information on Knots,” JP reassures me as he steps away, leaving me with Lyrical.
Knots?I had forgotten about my grumpy Door Knight. He wasn’t around that night either.How could I have forgotten about him?Catching movement, I look over and find Lyrical moving objects closer to me.
Who names their child Lyrical anyways? Her hair is pulled back in a bun and her violet eyes smile back at me as she grabs her digital notepad and instruments. “I just need to do a quick baseline check of your vitals and get some blood, if that’s alright.” Seeing me hesitate, she goes on, “Or you can wait for the blood test with Dr. Steinbeck later on this week. He just couldn’t be here today.” I nod, agreeing to that option instead.
